Hello everybody, I’m seeking advice because I’m frustrated and I feel like I’m done with dating. I literally have no standards when it comes to looks or status. All I’ve ever asked from a man is to please smell good or at least not be stinky, to not lust after my friends while he’s with me, and to not breadcrumb me. That’s all I wanted, and I’ve never received even the bare minimum of decency or genuine care. As a woman who is 5’10 I don’t even care about a man’s height as long as he isn’t 4’10 because that feels like too much of a difference. And still dating has been really hard for me.
Men treat me badly. Some won’t even give me a phone call. Others only see me as a hole to use. One guy even told me that buying me food was a sacrifice and that I should be intimate with him just because he did that. I’ve been ignored, dismissed, and even accused of being a man even though I was born female. I don’t make fun of men for their jobs or circumstances. I even tried to date a guy in a wheelchair once and he told me I was too unattractive for him. And before anyone thinks I haven’t tried, I used to approach men all the time. They would either reject me, keep me around to boost their ego for attention, or use me to get closer to my friends. None of those times was I treated nicely or genuinely. I would either get a dirty, disgusted look or the man would be so dismissive.
Eventually I developed this fear that every time I brought a guy around he would go after my friend group, so I stopped dating because it was just too painful.
One guy even wanted to name his future daughter after his first love, and I had to argue my own boundaries because I don’t enjoy certain kisses or touches since I have sensory issues.
I am a Black and Indian American woman. I’m open to dating all races and cultures, but unfortunately nobody likes me. All my friends have had guys crush on them, but I never experienced that. When I make eye contact with men, I usually get the most disgusting looks, to the point where I’ve stopped looking at men unless we’re working together.
I don’t even believe anymore that I could be desired or loved in that way. When I meet a guy I go out of my way not to make him uncomfortable, I keep my questions light, I try to step aside, and I never confess attraction or try to be more than friends.