28, still a virgin. Why? Because while I want to be normal the idea of sexy scares me. My upbringing was very religious so I have the background of being told sex is evil and bad my entire life. My parents threatened me when I went off to college. Said if they even suspected I’d had it they’d withdraw all financial support (my major was such I had no time for a part time job to support myself).
Soo that didn’t help. Every relationship I get in I think: this is it I’m gonna be normal about this. And then the same cycle repeats. As the pressure ramps as they obviously expect intimacy I just start avoiding it and then until the relationship collapses. Repeat forever.
When I think of sex I feel anxiety and dread. I think about my upbringing and how damaging that was. I’m also deeply afraid of p r e g n a n c y. Such a thing is unacceptable in my family so I would likely lose my family. I am also afraid of pain discomfort and generally being so vulnerable.
I’ve tried telling therapists but they never seem to get it. My last therapist said I should just push down those feelings and have sex with my boyfriend to make him happy which made me feel bad.
I feel doomed. Sometimes I just tell people I’m ace to avoid it all.