I don’t really understand what is going on.
Firstly to add I have BPD and he has ADHD and autism. We also have a two year old daughter and have been together 4 years. During this time we’ve broken up many times, always him. I’ve been kicked out, he’s been kicked out etc. during this time, he’s slept in the spare room as well. His mum is sick of his behaviour and so is his dad so they won’t have him back there. He has no money, savings and whilst he works he never has any money. I pay all the bills with the shared money, I have savings and I save for our daughter’s future. I am not working at the moment this comes out of various benefit money – UK universal credit, PIP and child benefit. To add I will be working in the future I am just currently going through security vetting for the probation services which is 12 weeks and I’m about 5 weeks in. I have sorted daughters place at nursery etc. so I do absolutely everything really. But, if I ask him to do things for me he does then and doesn’t moan. If I start cleaning the house he will start helping me too etc. and he does parent.
So the actual problem is hard to even describe but, he has for a little while (this is an on going thing) been off with me and doesn’t seem interested in anything I have to say even if it’s a topic he has interest in. Has little to no interest in our child and when we go out on days out (rare cause he works so much) he spends most of the time on his phone, same if he’s at home he’s addicted to scrolling twitter and I get the whole doom scrolling cause I have been stuck in it too. But not to this extent. Today he just seemed like he was in a bit of a mood and for a while I had decided not to bother saying anything and getting on with my day and then he would eventually come out of it. But, it felt like we were heading back to that place. So I said to him if there’s anything that’s wrong he can talk about it with me etc if he wants. Asked how he was, and he said fine and rolled his eyes. I said we both know what that means when you do that. Which annoys me. Then he left and got ready to leave for work. Came in and said bye and I went and I said to him are we okay and he says yes like sighing again. And I said cause I feel like we’re going back to that place again and I don’t want to go there. And at this point I am visibly upset. And he just says you know where I am going I told you and walks out the door. So I just find myself pathetically crying by the door. Something I haven’t done in a long time. I pay for therapy and I have medication and I work hard at maintaining my mental health. I go for walks daily with my daughter and keep busy etc. so it feels like a huge set back. I had thought maybe things would be okay.
I also must add before we started being okay again this year (he broke up with me in an airport in china on our way home from Vietnam in June and it was so embarrassing and then to do a 12 hour flight with me caring for our toddler as he’s scarred of flying) so it’s been a long time really. I had started saving, working on my credit score and started looking at houses etc. my mum has a house deposit saved for me and my plan was just to buy a house and leave him to it. Still is really, his mum says to me a few years isn’t much in the grand scheme of things and work on myself and leave him to it cause he will never change and she’s given up on him and she’s embarrassed by him. Says I am better off without him, spends more time with me as he never bothers with her.
But, as I am in this current position I don’t know what to do I feel hurt that I let myself think it would ever workout. That I brought a child into this mess and that I will spend her childhood feeling awful over this man. That her dad is just awful half the time.
What steps can I take to move forward?