How do I get my dad to follow my boundaries? So long story short I went no contact 2 years ago. Brief overview of just a few of the things my parents did to make me go no contact:

  1. He fed my celiac child gluten for the first year of her diagnosis bc he “knew better” and “the Bible says bread is life so you can’t have an allergy to it.” (I know celiac isn’t an allergy but he’s determined.)

  2. My sister had a severe mental health crisis. I cut contact for safety reasons. They kept bringing her around my kids when I wasn’t there. So much so that once the cut back restrictions to Covid and they spent the night with the grandparents…my parents hid the fact that my sister was Covid positive while around my kids. (I’m a heart and lung patient. They know this. They still made a choice to expose my kids and hide it from me.) Once she was divorced and could no longer blame her now ex for everything. She turned on me. She only got 50/50 custody of their kids because of me. (Apparently I went to court in an invisibility cloak and testified in court silently. That’s the only logical explanation because well…I didn’t even know when or where her divorce hearing was.) Months later, she “found proof” that I had testified in court. My parents called me at midnight yelling and screaming at me for trying to get the kids taken away from her. It was my fault the family was falling apart. My husband finally took the phone away and hung up on them but they still blame me for that 5 or so years later. They refuse to provide any proof that I testified.

  3. They have spent years making me feel bad trying to find answers to my kiddos’ medical issues when for part of it….they were the cause of it. Telling me that doctors just wanted money and nothing was wrong with my kiddos. (There is a lot physically wrong with my kiddos.)

  4. They have bullied my autistic child (I found out when I went no contact and she finally spoke up). They even threatened physical harm if my tom boy who hates physical pain ever got a piercing my dad didn’t agree with. (Found that out after we went no contact.)

  5. My dad had a major heart attack and withheld the info for 9 months. Within a day or two of him getting out of the hospital he came and picked up my kids like a normal day so they could spend the night. (Demand of my parents. Every Friday night they get the grandkids. My husband hated this demand but the kids love their cousins so he let it happen.). When they finally admitted he had had a heart attack I asked why they didn’t tell me. They informed me that I wouldn’t have let the kids be driven around by him. (No crap!!! That’s not safe.) I asked my mom what would have happened if he’d had another heart attack while driving my kids and wrecked. She yelled at me and said I was a drama queen and hung up on me. I was informed later by them that they get to decide what is and isn’t safe for my children. (Not me.)

  6. When I confronted them about the gluten issue they told me I was being a drama queen. My mom supported my dad 100% and then gaslighted me by telling me that I didn’t understand my dad and I was misremembering what he had said. My mom filed for divorce and moved into a different bedroom of their house when she thought he was abusing their horses!!!! But she defended the man who admitted to poisoning my child!!!

So yeah. I went no contact but they still try. They mail birthday cards to the kids with cash. (Which, per their therapists, we were instructed to not tell the kids. Just get them something we know they would want and throw away the cards.) The problem is the cards are manipulating and showing favoritism. The little one who is a girly girl gets glitter cards with princesses and unicorns. They write letters about how wonderful and amazing she is and that she’s the light of their life. Meanwhile the tomboy gets a generic dollar tree card with flowers that says happy birthday then they sign their name.

My dad does group texts my husband gets. (I do not. I blocked them both.) They are generic “happy fill in holiday” “thinking of you guys”. Last week he mailed a long letter about how I’ve torn the family apart. How they have done nothing wrong. How they have tried so many times to mend the fences I broke. How we need to suck it up and give them access to the kids. (In my last attempt to keep a relationship with them I told them they could see the kids with supervision. My dad informed me that would never happen!!! Either we give them the kids unsupervised or they wouldn’t see the kids anymore.)

The mail from them gives me great anxiety bc who knows what will be in it. Plus I don’t want the kids to know. It would hurt them to know what’s happening.

I’m just mad and frustrated and want them to disappear.


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