So I’ve (35m) been a stay at home dad for 3 years so far and I often find myself wondering what people (especially other men) think when I tell them that’s what I do “for work.” I know it isn’t a very common setup, and yet no one ever asks follow up questions. This leaves me wondering what they’re thinking. What comes to mind when you’ve found out that someone is a stay at home dad? Or if you’ve never met one, what knee-jerk assumptions come to mind when you think about stay at home dads? Thanks for sharing your thoughts!


48 comments

  4. If it works for you that’s great! My partner makes about twice the money I do and has a much higher ceiling in her career than I do if we decided to have kids this is the route we would most likely take.

  7. Don’t care about how other consenting adult couples choose to arrange their jobs/livelihoods when it has zero effect on my life. If that’s what you want, go for it.

  8. I usually think “I wish I could be a stay-at-home Dad” but at least since COVID I’m a “work-from-home Dad” which is pretty cool. The 25 years of full time work before that though I wished many times I could be with my kids more as they grew up.

    I’m sure it has it’s hard days, but congratulations on living the dream man!

  9. Honest take here, I’m not going to just wash you in compliments I don’t think that’s what you’re looking for. I think it’s a bit of a male ego thing to look down on stay at home dads. And I’ll be honest that used to be me. Then I had kids and saw how hard my wife works as a stay at home mom.

    Any man that works as hard as my wife to keep a clean house, educated kids, etc etc while the breadwinner is out securing the financial security for their family gets my respect.

    The ones that play games all day are kind of worthless.

  11. I would wonder if they are fulfilled and would not want to develop themselves more as individuals. Not that it’s necessarily or not possible on the side, but it’s something my mom ended up struggling with a bit. Though it does depend on the choices a stay at home parent makes

  12. I was a stay at home dad for years. I worked nights and weekends as a photographer and my wife worked a day job so we could have great healthcare.

    It work great.

  13. I don’t know about others but I’d be thinking “lucky guy”. It’s always nice when children can have a parent around and not be raised by others because the parents are constantly working.

  14. I was at home with my child 28 years ago. I was able to work from home as a freelancer for a few hours.
    It was a great time. I had a mate who was also at home with a child. We were a hit with the ladies at the playground, the swimming pool, the café and the supermarket. I can’t remember anyone asking strange questions or reacting oddly.

  15. Well… what follow up questions would you expect? Anyone with kids knows exactly what you do all day long.

  16. If everyone’s happy and it works for your family then who cares? Personally I’m a bit jealous but even if my wife made enough I could stay at home I wouldn’t do it. Being completely financially dependent on someone would not make me feel safe.

  17. Their home their business. Lol not having to smash the alarm clock every morning? Sounds phenomenal

  18. Are your kids and your spouse healthy and happy and secure? Are you?

    Great! Do what is best for your family.

  24. Wish I was one, or is it wish I were one? See if I was at home. I’d have more time to research the answer.

  25. Good for him, and I’m envious. That’s what I think. 

    I think I only am acquainted with one stay at home dad; he was a part time magician or puppeteer and married a doctor. Their kid is cool. They’re cool.

    I aspire to be a SAHD.  I’d definitely not look down on a dude for being one. 

  27. When I left a conservative field to be a stay at home dad I got so many mean comments. Can’t you cut it? Is your wife the man of the family? And so on and so on. It was rare to find anyone who thought it was great. Well, who cares. It was great. And I’d do it over and over again. I will say this, just like women who leave the workforce, I’m not set up for retirement on my own, and that is ok, but something to consider.

  28. I was a stay at home dad for 13 years till 2014. Best job I ever had.

    I did meet with some prejudice. My boomer father hated it. We no longer speak for reasons unrelated. My sisters, hardcore feminists both, surprised me by also not being super supportive.

    When my kids were preschool age I tried to join a play group so my kids would get some socializing, and was told it was only for moms.

    My male friends…and I am fortunate to have had the same friend group for thirty years now…were lovely. They teased me for being ‘mister mom’ and being a ‘housewife,’ but they also came to me with parenting questions and advice on supporting their wives. I love them to a man, and I’d take a bullet for every last one of them.

    And for the most part, people were lovely. I made some great friends at the playground, swim team, and helping out at the school.

    But here is the most important thing: My kids turned out awesome. They are both in graduate school. My youngest ran for county office at the age of 21…he lost but ingratiated himself to the point that he won a sweet appointment and they’re grooming him for a state legislature run when he’s 25. My oldest is engaged to an awesome fiancé, and will shortly be wrapping up school tk become a physical therapist. They both have great friends, great partners, make great decisions. They’re my best friends now, we have a hilarious group chat, and I see them as often as I can.

    I’d do it all again ane not change a thing.

  31. The fact that you’re making a post wondering what a bunch of people online think absolutely screams insecurity.

    Own it dude.

    Yes, there’s a lot of conservative people that will shit all over you. A lot of them also want to be led be a pedo fascist. Stop caring so much, people are insane and always will be.

    Being a man is not giving af what others think, and doing what’s best for you, your family, community etc..

  33. My Dad would have been a fantastic stay at home Dad. He was born in 1929, so it was never an option. He.was kind and supportive and good at making people feel valued. When he retired blue collar workers he’d been the boss of came from many neighboring states to be there. He was important to many men.

    So, I think of how much Dad would have loved that job, if it had been an option. Some men are natural nurterers who live for others. They raise good people.

    Want to change the world? Raise good people.

  34. I am a man older than you. A couple years after my divorce (a very long time ago now), my daughter chose to live with me permanently. So while I wasn’t “stay at home” in the same way, I made time to completely parent her and now I’m startling the empty nest phase knowing she is a competent, good and responsible adult woman who loves and trusts her dad and won’t settle for just any creep.

    It remains the best thing I ever did. Don’t let any toxic man or woman tell you otherwise, you’re more of a real man than the childless man-child posing with a truck and a beard (nothing against trucks or beards) judging everyone by just being there for them every day.

    Anyone judging you won’t be by your bedside at the end.

    You know who will? Your children that you raised.

    Chin up, chest high, back straight, eyes proud. You got this.

  36. I’m going to quit my job and stay home. I just paid off my last rental property and just going to live off rental income. I don’t need to borrow money from anybody so I don’t care what other ppl think.

  37. I practiced law for 20 years. I’m a SAHD now. My wife is a doctor. I clean the house, cook dinner, take the kid to football. My friends are jealous. I’m 46 and I’m pretty much retired. I take a case here and there. I operate heavy equipment with my brother in law when it suits me. It’s really everything I dreamed it could be.

  38. I would love it if I had kids. I dont but man I would love spending all that time with my kids.

  39. I personally am envious when I hear it. I was the sole provider until our youngest started kindergarten and then my wife started college and became an RN. She now makes more than I do and I wish I could just quit my job lol but the grind is the grind. It’s whatever.

    I think older generations look at it as being a degenerate but …fuck them. I admire and wish I could have had the opportunity to do what you are doing.

  40. I’m jealous mate. My wife earns more than me(if she works full time), is just about to return to work part time after maternity leave, and if I could convince her to be the bread winner so I could stay at home and raise our wee boy…. That’s the dream

  42. I was a stay at home dad for 20 years. The hardest part was that when I was ready to go back to work seriously, I’d been out of the labor force for so long that finding a meaningful job was pretty much impossible despite an Ivy League undergrad, an MBA for a top 10 B school, successful experience running companies, and part time work while I was primary care giver.

    I ended up throwing myself into a hobby, that during COVID turned into a sort of business. My wife now makes an order of magnitude more than I do. I work 30-40 hours a week to have something to do besides chores but some of the work is dull. It was the right decision for us but I’m not without some regret.

  43. Sounds awesome. I’d love to be a stay at home dad. Was a house husband in UK for 6 months while wife worked but had no kids. Absolute dream life. Asked wife what she wanted for dinner, went to shops everyday to buy ingredients, kept house clean, worked on projects and planned holidays and outings. Insanely great life.

    Have the kids now and WFH and that element is fantastic. The only issue I have is I am still the main earner and my job is stressful and unstable (sales).

  44. Once upon a time, I thought I’d be able to do it. Maybe even still, but it would take a lot to be vulnerable to a wife like that after my divorce.

    Either way, I’ve got nothing against it, and its probably better for the kids to have one stay at home parent than to do the daycare thing.

  45. My Nextdoor neighbor was a stay at home dad with 3 boys in the 90s when that was a sitcom premise. I knew even back then at 8yrs old he had an extraordinary life and he sure made the most of it.

    The back story was that he had been in the army for one enlistment and then went home to the Great Lakes and became a legit wooden yacht carpenter. His wife started at the bottom of a fortune 100 company and climbed to a VP role. My man legitimately got an allowance to keep himself entertained and it went to exotic hardwoods and tools. While they lived there he bought an old basket case Olympic racing sail boat and scrapped the fiberglass hulls and hand built new ones then overhauled every fitting and moving piece in his backyard over the course of a few years. This thing was by FAR the most beautiful and precisely detailed small single-handed sailing boat I’ve ever seen to this day and he built it in the land-locked Deep South in his backyard by hand with no plans or YouTube to go off of. Later I heard they sold the boat for huge money and it funded almost all of one son’s medical school tuition. My dad still lives next door and by all accounts this guy is still living the dream.

    The big thing I learned is don’t squander your time no matter what your role in the family may be. Personally I’d focus on just raising better kids than anyone else and then try to establish dominance with my hobbies or landscaping. If any other guys were going to judge you for being a kept man, if you show them pictures of your “little project” and it’s a gorgeous 43ft wooden hulled racing yacht- they’d most likely bite their tongues clean off.

  46. I’d love to be a stay at home dad. But my kids are grown and I’m a machinist. My boss wants me to get into programming. Not my cup. I like getting dirty. My wife is wfh and hates it as much as she loves it. That scares me. So I’m not sure if I could do it. All that said, I honestly thing a stay at home dad is equally if not better than a stay at home mom. I would have killed for more time with my dad. I followed his foot steps and worked my ass off to afford the things my girls deserved. Didn’t think about the time they wanted and needed from me. There’s good and bad. But I discovered there is more good being a stay at home dad than bad.keep on keepin on my dude. Your kids will appreciate it as they get older.

  47. I did it for 6 years with my 4 kids with learning difficulties and never had any negative experiences with other parents. Most fulfilling time of my life watching them learn how to talk, walk, etc…

    The hardest part for me was mentally dealing with not being the “breadwinner” and having to rely on someone else to make the money. I always worked 1 or 2 jobs at a time and now I wasn’t working at all. It was a big adjustment but we made it work.

  48. I don’t know how to respond when anyone tells me they stay home because I lack common ground. I would burn out really fast, it’s too much and it never stops. My knee jerk reaction is are you okay?

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