I (33F) feel completely blindsided and I’m trying to make sense of what just happened with my (33M) boyfriend.
We talked for a month and were for 2 months dating. Up until literally hours before he ended things, everything looked solid. We had full weekends together with little routines and rituals that felt very natural: saturday we would bake cake (I love to go to other countries and choose different cake mix to do at home, i have at least 6 box of them), sunday we have breakfast in a bakery (i like to explore bakeries around my city), festivals, we were trying new hobbies like painting and crafting. He even met some of my friends. We had traveled together recently, and after that trip he actually intensified the contact, asking for daily calls whenever he wasn’t physically at my place. He was consistent with good mornings, good nights, and affectionate gestures.
A few examples:
We talked about future plans for October (festivals, pumpkin carving, weekend activities).
He was the one to buy the paints and tried first so we could do couple mugs together (he painted mine with my nickname, I painted his).
He was planning a date to introduce me to his parents.
He often took the initiative in planning, while I kept things balanced and proportional.
Just hours before he broke up, we were planning to bake a cake that evening and he was going to sleep over at my place. Instead, he showed up crying and ended it. I was stunned. I gave back his stuff and sent him home, but I was firm. No contact.
The next day, he sent me a long text apologizing. He said things like: he felt he had “one foot out the door,” that maybe he wasn’t ready for a relationship, maybe not even for years, that I deserved someone “more certain.” He also said he felt like he was losing his best friend.
I responded firmly: I told him no contact unless he was certain and ready.
But to me, this feels like a crisis: impulsive and inconsequent. Because literally hours before we were acting like a couple with plans and future commitments. I don’t understand what happened.
I’ve already sent back his things by mail, deleted our chats, left mutual groups. I’m committed to no contact because I know that’s the right path forward. But I keep asking myself: what actually happens after something like this? Has anyone gone through something similar, where your partner was deeply involved, making future plans, showing consistency… and then suddenly dropped it?
Do they usually come back after realizing what they lost? Or is it more common that they never look back?
I’m not waiting around. I’m moving on with my life, but I’d like to hear from people who have been through this. Did the no contact make them realize? Or was the sudden breakup just the end, no matter how good things looked on the surface?
I’m not waiting around; I’m moving on with my life. But I can’t help being confused by how sudden and contradictory this was, and I’d like to hear others’ experiences.