Why is it Considered rude to not talk to people?

7 comments

1. I don’t think you were being rude here.

2. Rude is a construct – of when people dislike your actions. That’s called freedom. You don’t have to fit in to everyone’s agenda. I have PTSD, and I’ve changed dramatically. I used to be hard on myself — I realize now; I just know where I want my energy exerted.

   Set your boundaries straight, with peace and love. And accept that what you say may not be tolerated or accepted. You’re not different, weird, awkward. You’re just you. They need to accept that.

3. People think they are entitled to your attention if they went out of their way to come to your home for a visit. It’s culturally expected for them to be treated well as a guest, which includes greeting them as an occupant of the home first. They may or may not feel that way, depending on their personality. Did your mom say they were upset you didn’t talk to them or was she just mad for them on her own? If it is the latter, don’t worry about it. It’s just your mom being a mom wanting you to have manners, as they call it, to at least say hello to guests.

4. People can perceive it as rude if you’ve obviously seen them but don’t greet or acknowledge them. You say you saw someone when you came in and I’m assuming you said nothing or very little to them. Next time a simple hello then excusing yourself to your room will likely prevent the drama. It’s one of those niceties that’s annoying, especially when confronted with it when coming home from a long day, but you just kind of have to suck it up if you don’t want to be labeled as rude or behaving like a moody teenager.

   Now if we’re talking about my personal opinion as someone that also doesn’t like interacting with people (especially when it’s sprung on them) then I’d say it’s rude of your mom to not give you a heads up that she has people you don’t know over, not introduce you, then expect you to awkwardly toddle downstairs to say bye to them. Sounds like a humiliation ritual to me lol.

5. I’m on your side. Your mom should know better, she’s prioritizing others over your needs. Fuck that. I’d stay in my room too.

6. It’s not explicitly rude to not say goodbye in a forced way to someone else’s guests, it’s awkward for everyone.

   It’s always kind to acknowledge people generally, you don’t have to engage much, I’ll nod or smile or wave, for example, if someone enters a room. I don’t think much more is required of everyone if they’re emotionally healthy and understand autism.

   But mostly they move the goalposts on us — rude to talk too much, rude to not talk enough, rude to talk about the wrong things … they’re rude, too, for policing us so much. If you don’t like me that much … go away.

7. It’s just the tradition. You come in and there are ppl in the house, you say hi and maybe exchange a few words. Then you say okay I great to meet you I’ll leave you to it and then go upstairs, then you come down and say bye. Both interactions take maybe 10 mins total.

   Usually guests don’t care (I certainly don’t care if someone’s family greets me). But the parents are usually upset when their kids don’t act like I described above, or at least say hi and bye. Consider it a chore that your parents insist on, even if you don’t understand in the moment why you have to do it. You become desensitized to it as you practice and then it becomes easier.

   I get it that you’re anxious but these are small steps to overcome the anxiety, like any practice it makes you more capable.