My whole life I've been an unusual combination of confident in my career but very shy and reticent socially. To the point I hate socialising, going out to the pub or nightclubs – feel very out of my depth. I've also been very overweight my whole adult life, although have lost a lot of weight in the last few years. At my heaviest I was 27 stone, I now weight around 14 stone due to some surgery.
I have a very good and pretty public job. I'm a CEO and a figure head, now in the press a fair bit and having to be more public facing. Finding this hard and increasingly the job takes over every minute of every day. Here are my big challenges:
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Finacially I'm far from sorted. I still rent a flat but will not inherit any money from my family. I earn 100k a year, but living in London makes it hard to save and I think owning a property feels totally out of reach. I have roughly 45k in savings.
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I'm out of shape physically. While I'm no longer obese, I’ve tried joining gyms before but after induction have always drifted off quite quickly. The truth is I don’t really know how to use my body, how to get in shape, how to lose weight or any of those things. I have no real strength and would struggle lifting even the lightest of weights. And fear at 40, it's too late. I also eat junk. Though I don't drink alcohol, do drugs or smoke.
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I'm gay and have occasional dates and men that I have long on and off again relationships with – but I don't seem to be able to sustain interest longer term from my side. The truth is I'm also pretty ugly, my body shape is not what anyone is looking for and I can't compete in the market place.
I've tried some therapy, but have been more honest in this post than I was in a year of talking to a councillor.
Basically, be honest with me. How do I move forward? What can I do from here? Feeling stuck and need some wisdom.