I am fairly sexually inexperienced as I’ve always wanted to wait for marriage. My personal values around sex is that it is something intimate and passionate to be shared with the person you love. I have dated in the past, but this is my first serious, fully committed relationship (been together for 9months). I’ve always been intentional with dating, and this is the first time I’ve felt like I have found my life partner. He is amazing. We are both treating this relationship very seriously and see marriage in the cards. This love feels sacred, special, and one-of-a-kind to me.
However, I just cannot seem to get over his sexual and romantic past. He says he holds the same values around sex and intimacy as me, but he has had a few serious relationships in the past as well as some casual ones. I don’t know which ones sting more – him having slept with other girls or him having been in love with other girls. Like…what do you mean that he’s been in love with girls before me. He has shared his body with other girls. He has planned futures and likely wanted to marry girls from his past as well. I just cannot wrap my head around this fact. I don’t think this comes from insecurity or jealousy at my end, it’s more so just me being turned off by this and feeling distant. I just wish our pasts were more balanced.
Has anyone experienced this before? Any sexually “conservative” men/women been in love with partners that are more experienced? Vice versa? How did you deal with it? Did you ever get over it? Does it get better with time?
I don’t want to end this relationship, but the deeper I fall in love with him, the more it hurts to know he has shared his love with others before me. I’ve shared with him that this bothers me – he understands and says that I’ve changed his life, he thinks I’m his soulmate, and he wants to get married. I feel the same way but cannot stop hurting over this. Please help!!!