For context, my boyfriend broke up with his ex in February of this year, and they had a toxic relationship (according to him and his friends whom I trust). Additional context: we live 6 hours away from each other but I visit his city often because Im originally from there.
We started dating in April until May. In May, he eventually broke things off with me.
For the entire month of June, we were broken up and not in contact.
In July, he told me he was coming to my city with a bunch of friends, I met all of them and got pretty close to all of them including him again. We decided to start seeing each other again
This time, it felt more serious. I started meeting more people in his circle including his family, close friends of 20+ years, and this month he even arranged an entire boat trip with him, his friends, and me. Everything has been great.
Unfortunately, I did find out last month that in the first week of April (we had a week break) and in June, he slept with his ex. I have been trying to move past it, and I do recognize that in all those moments he was fully single. It just stings.
Also, his ex has been begging for him back ever since they broke up. Apparently, she found out in June that we had stopped dating and thats when she swooped in. According to his friends and his friends’ girlfriends, shes quite obsessive, to the point where if one person in their friend group posts an instagram story of them being somewhere, she’d show up to see him and ask for him back.
It makes me feel better when I realize that in June, although they slept together and she was asking for him back repeatedly, he declined and came to my city and jumped at the opportunity to get back with me.
Honestly, I want external objective advice because his friends girlfriends’ say that its really nothing to worry about, and i dont really want to tell my friends about it because they dont know him well enough to create an objective opinion
Additional info i forgot to add: he has had her blocked since July, and told her not to contact him again in June and she has then stopped
5 comments
The only way for your relationship to work is for him to cut off contact with her completely, and talk to her firmly because something will do to make her still have hope.
Why would you want to have a serious relationship with someone who’s jerking you around like that?
Why did he breaks things off in May? What happened in April for the week’s break? How did the outreach happen in July? Did he initiate and you decided to be a good host?
I can only say to enjoy it for what it is and tread carefully. The sense of betrayal you feel is real because you just found out vs the actual act which was 3 months ago, don’t let that diminish your emotions. Also why are you finding validation from your boyfriend’s friends’ girlfriends? They would probably side with your boyfriend!
Welp… That’s what happens when you do the on and off.
If you feel you might need more time that’s fine.
(I guess you wouldn’t have as much of a problem if you broke up, he slept with his ex the month after that and and you got back together a year after)
BUT
I WOULD be wary of people who choose to sleep with people they themselves decine as toxic.
Idk, I’d have a very hard time getting back together with someone who broke up with me but on top of that slept with their ex? This may sound harsh but I think you accepting him back may show him you have low self worth and may set that tone for the relationship. It doesn’t seem like it’s worth pursuing to me personally.