A while ago my life long friend brought up that me and my SO have made him uncomfortable by bickering over things and now I can't help but see it all the time. I don't want to make my friend uncomfortable. I also don't want to resent my partner. But I don't know how to wrap these conversations up cleanly without simply shutting down or getting mad.
I'm the kind of person that is really easily dragged into conversations that lead me to debate (conspiracy theories, politics, misinformation) so if I hear something that I feel is false I tend to really easily take the bait.
My partner, on the other hand, just seems to adamantly argue things for no reason. He might explain something he has no knowledge about as simple (ex: he's never rebuilt a car but he will adamantly argue with someone that it is easy to do if they are lamenting having to to do car work). He will also argue about really simple things that make no sense to me. Like if he hurts himself he'll argue that he isn't in pain, he just aches…but that is the same thing. But he'll be like no, I don't feel any pain.
A recent example is that sometimes he tries to prank me to get some kind of reaction from me. He's done this by telling me my keys are missing when they aren't or today he told me he told a friend something I said that I didn't want shared. I can't really tell that he's lying but usually it's things that would cause a strong emotional reaction so I just don't react because I've caught onto this. I just wait a few minutes and he inevitably tells me the truth.
When this happened today I didn't get mad, but I just questioned whay he does it since I don't even react. Like what's the gain? His response was that he didn't do it for a reaction. So then I ask why he lies. I'm still not mad I just want to know the motivation. He responded that he doesn't lie to me. So obviously I'm like "what do you call telling someone a statement you know is false?" He claims it's not a lie because he told the truth a couple minutes later…
This is where I start to get sucked into most of our arguments. You can't just make up new definitions for words to fit your view. Just because you deny that you didn't do X because you just don't agree based on vibes. This "it's not purple, it's lavander" logic gets used frequently and it drives me nuts.
I feel like if I just ignore those conversations it comes off as sulking. But when I talk as I have been I end up in circular conversations where he will just deny things or twist definitions amd mever really hears any reason or explanation. I've also been really embarrassed a few times with friends because he's done this with my friends GF about stuff she's said. It's happened enough that she has brought it up to her BF and me. It's always really trivial stuff. We don't fight about big things. We don't yell or call names. But sometimes he makes me feel unheard and like he's just acting like a big kid being like "nuh uh" just because he literally can't stand to agree with people.
TL;DR Me [F32] and my partner [M33] "debate" a lot over nonsense. It's making me reconsider my relationship. What can I do?