I went on three dates with a woman from OLD. We are both in our 40’s. We went on 3 dates and it was magical, we were intimate as well. We had date 4 planned, and the day before she broke it off. She said she met another guy and slept with him, and decided to pursue that connection while closing the door on me. I was disappointed and confused, but accepted it and moved on…
2 weeks later she reached out saying she made a mistake and asked me to give her another chance. She was apologetic and wants to explain herself in person. I’m about 50/50 on it… what would you do?
35 comments
personally would not accept. i would feel like a second choice. thats a no for me
If you’re into her, give her a chance to explain herself and then share how you feel or what you want afterwards.
Stay away from her dude. she dumped you for another and thought the grass was greener on the other side.
Depends how strong the connection is and whether or not you’re going to hold this kerfuffle against her down the line.
If the connection wasn’t that strong, then just move on.
If the connection was strong, apart from your ego, there really isn’t anything holding you back from having the conversation.
If you’re going to hold this against her in an arguement down the line, then again, there’s no point reconnecting. If you choose to reconnect, then you absolutely have to move past this.
Meet up, get her side of the story, and use that information to decide if you want to keep seeing her IMO.
Dating is really hard. I’ve been in her shoes, wanting to choose one person to focus on, and quickly realizing I fucked up. We’re all humans just trying to find the right person to spend our time with. If you’re going to harbor feelings of resentment, or feel like you were her “second choice”, don’t waste her time. If you like her, and can understand that sometimes feelings are complicated, give her a chance. What’s the worst that can happen?
Nope. Smells like she’s bouncing back to a placeholder after the options she really wanted fell thru.
Any “connection” you thought was there has been nullified, by her own doing.
True romance is not a game.
Full stop, this is a big red flag. Some things are meant to be done and this is one of them.
There are certainly way, way bigger red flags out there than this, but based on what’s happened already it’s reasonable to wonder or even assume that this woman has any of number of other red flags in her pocket, should you stick around to be subjected to any of them… Have you thought about that yet?
Close up shop, sir, and block her hardcore.
Consequences, people.
The very most I personally would allow is her to *text* ALL of what she wants to say, *with no expectation from you* (I would absolutely disclose THAT to her ahead of time), purely so she may get something useful for herself out of this chapter. I am in no way heartless so I feel she deserves *that* chance, so when she eventually gets over her mistake she’s hopefully genuinely learned all she needs from it.
If you were to see her in person for this ^ to take place, I’d bet it’ll become a bigger mess than it needs to be, one way or the other, sooner or later…
You’re a little older than me, not that that matters-matters here, but you should know life is way too short for avoidable messes and subpar shit.
Mate, you’re only her second choice. She slept with another guy right after you, and now that it didn’t work out with him, she’s circling back. No way you should take her back.
I feel certain my ego couldn’t endure this, but everyone has different pain points.
Harboring a resentment is ruinous. If you have none, then hear her out and go from there.
No
So she’s dating and sleeping with each person she dates… basically she was having sex with you and the other dude,,, wild !!!
Never let someone tell you more than once that they don’t want you.
You’re her backup option. So as soon as she meets another guy who she likes, she will do this again to you. The pattern will start repeating itself several times until she either goes exclusive with one of the men or you allow yourself to stop being treated like a doormat. Block and move on.
Yeah nah. I’d need more than two weeks, way more. Probably a year. Once that intimacy bubble is broken, there’s a lot of time that needs to sit for me before it’s even a thought.
They’re an ex for a reason. You don’t love them you love the memories
No, don’t do it! It you deserve better.
Have some self respect and reject her, man. She dumped you to go fuck another guy and you’re willing to take her back when that didn’t work out for her? Come on, now.
37M here: ha ha tee hee — she did what??? 😂 I’m so sorry she did that to you — that takes a new universe of nerve, for sure! 💪 Since you ask, though, I would accept and hear her out — not because there’s likely anything she could say to convince me to continue with her after her dismissive behavior, but because if I didn’t, the CURIOSITY would bother me FOREVER. WHAT could her explanation possibly conceivably be that she feels could be so convincing that it could change my mind? Yep, I’d just HAVE to accept to hear THAT story! 🤣 I hope you feel better after being disrespected, and that everything works out awesome for you! 👍
Nope. Nope. Nope. I reconnected with someone from OLD. We connected in our 20s and 40s.. There was chemistry both times. He pursued another woman. In the meantime, my life fell apart…not because of that….just a domino effect of several stressors coming to a crescendo. Even though he’s successful and I used to wonder, if he came crawling back, my self-respect … which is really all I have left would not allow it. Don’t settle for what is okay now if someone decided it wasn’t okay then because of an after thought. She feels safe with you and will test the field again.
Cut and run asap. You’ll ruin the remainder of your 40s if you let yourself get played this way.
Don’t accept, she only sees you as an option and if anything a rebound from the last dude. Been in this situation before and gave her a second chance. Waste of time.
No way Jose.
Indeed she told you the reason until I read that I was about to tell you that’s what had happened, but she was at least honest.
What happens the next time she gets horny? You’re second choice, and later may be third or fourth.
Nope.
No
Zack & bliss. Swallow your pride. Forgive
Personally I’d allow her one date and then decide
Basically the other guy was better in bed. But he dumped her.
Don’t take the bait. And don’t explain yourself to her. She doesn’t need an explanation.
I’d just tell her you aren’t interested.
Oh man. This is behaviour you might expect from someone 21-22, but at 40 this is immature. I know your hopes are up, and if you want to hear her out I understand. But take it from us, this is almost never a good sign. It sounds like she has some relationship and commitment issues. She has to sort that out for herself or you’re going to be in for an emotional roller coaster my guy. If you’re not ready for that, I’d just say your piece and steer clear. At the very least, take some time to decide for yourself.
Tldr: She’s a red flag. Be careful.
Never
Bro… she monkeybranched you and well that branch above you broke and now she has landed back down on your branch. Run!!!
Nah. As a woman, I’m actually fine with people dating multiple people in the beginning stages. That would not bother me. But if somebody canceled a date on me and told me that they found someone they were interested in pursuing exclusively so they were no longer interested in me, then no… I would not be interested in dating them again a few weeks later when things didn’t work out with that other person.
This is why I actually think it’s such a big deal to cut off other people and start dating someone exclusively… it’s why I wouldn’t do it after only a few good dates or just because I slept with someone. Once you do that, there is no undo button. You can’t just come back later and expect someone to still be interested when you weren’t.
But I do have a bit of a petty side and I would be curious… so I would politely ask her to please explain it to me over the phone instead of in person. If she said she would only explain it in person, then I would tell her never mind, I’m too busy for childish games and wish her the best. If she agreed to explain it to me over the phone, I would listen and then, regardless of what she said, I’d politely tell her, “no thank you, I’ve moved on”.
Editing to add because I was just thinking about it a bit more and I’m just so surprised that she would even try to come back… Especially at her age. She should know better. I consider telling someone that you’re seeing someone else so you’re no longer interested in them to be such a final nail in the coffin, that I have even used it as an excuse (when it’s not true) to immediately stop seeing someone I didn’t want to see. I know that honesty is often the best policy in most situations, but I have found myself in situations before where I just simply didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, and if I told them the truth, it would absolutely hurt their feelings… Or where I was worried that I might be dealing with a potentially violent reaction if I told the truth. It has always worked like a charm… The moment I tell them I have started seeing someone else, they leave me alone. I think every normal person knows that once you tell someone that, it’s over and there is no coming back.
It’s understandable if things don’t go well with the person you chose and to them regret your choice, but the normal sane thing to do is to move on and learn from your mistakes… Not crawl back to the person you already rejected. It really is odd behavior and I wonder what other serious red flags you would run across if you started dating her again.
Nope.
Give her a chance. She sounds like she really understands she messed up. Dating at your age can be complicated
People make mistakes, is it worth throwing away something good? Would you have preferred if she strung you both along, rather than doing the respectful thing of breaking it off? At least you know the other guy is fully out of the picture in this scenario. I am so fed up of people losing out on love over minor technicalities. Life is complicated, so what if love stories are not magical fairytales?!