just like an hour ago I met up with this guy from a dating app, we didn't really text much before but he asked me out immediately which I thought was really nice. so we met up today to get a coffee and I was actually quite excited because he seemed really sweet from his profile but when I saw him in person…he looked nothing like his photos, I had 0 attraction for him and I instantly wanted to run away. I felt so bad but I tried to give it a shot, we walked for 5 minutes and I told him, hey I'm so sorry but I want to go home. He looked so disappointed and walked away with a frown. I feel terrible.
was this a shitty move?
27 comments
No. But he is
Umm no he basically catfished you.. you did the right thing, but I would’ve also said he you don’t really look like your pictures eh.. maybe in a text after but still.
No, but you don’t to say you want to go home
You should have just make up an excuse or something
Not really but you wasted your time and his by not doing a video call beforehand. All of this could’ve been avoided if you did that.
Well kinda yes but at sametime if there was no attraction its hard to say. Personally I woulda atleast had a coffee and talked to him. How did he look different from his photo?
If what your saying is true and he genuinely didnt look like his photos then fair enough, your not an asshole
No, you are allowed to end a date for any reason in the world. As long as you’re not rude about it, I don’t think you’re an asshole
If the attraction isn’t there, don’t force it. I think it would have been best to let him know that he did not look like his picture and that you lost attraction. But no, you’re not an asshole.
No, if anything I wish more people would end dates early if they’re really not feeling it. Obviously he was bummed out but that’s dating for you.
>he looked nothing like his photos
I suppose it also depends on how much, if literally a catfish then yeah end it from the start.
No you’re not bad. But online dating is a dicey game to play. You’re literally throwing yourself in the lions den. Good luck.
i honestly applaud you for setting your boundaries. had an incident nearly the same but idk how to end things very well, but i’m also deeply against ghosting, so i end up letting things drag out unnecessarily long.
No. I’m all for ending things early when you know it’s a lost cause. I hate wasting everyone’s time or getting the poor guy’s hopes up (same if I were on the receiving end; if you know immediately it’s a No, just end it, I have a million other things I could be doing than making small talk with someone I’ll never see again, don’t waste my time). You can’t help who you’re attracted to.
He should have accurate pics. Same for girls who do that weird angle thing to make themselves look thinner. You don’t want the person you’re meeting to be shocked at how you look in person. Just be honest.
NTA it was shitty of him to catfish you and waste your time.
And even if you cut the date short, it sounds like you did it in a kind way.
I feel like most people dont look like their pictures. Most women I met looked somewhat better and younger in their pictures..
I think it was the correct move. I’d know instantly also.
NTA. People catfish on dating apps all the time and then get upset wondering why people don’t like them. It’s one thing to look somewhat less than your photos and another to look like an ENTIRELY different person. If they’re willing to hide how they look to get a chance to talk to you, what else are they willing to hide/do?
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Definitely not an asshole. He knows. I am curious, though. What was so different? Were the pictures filtered? Old? Photoshopped? A different person?
Always trust your gut.
There’s nothing to feel bad about
I’m always keen to meet up in person that way I can see for myself if I like someone and what the vibe is
That’s scary
I don’t go on dates unless we video chat – for this EXACT reason. Had it happen to me twice. Never again. You are definitely not the asshole.
Noo he lied! Thats the shitty move!
You didn’t do anything wrong. He kittenfished you by not looking like his pics. I would have done the same. You don’t owe it to him when he portrays himself differently than his current state.
Not the asshole and tbf if I were you I’d actually drop him a quick message letting him know the reason you called it early. Obviously don’t tell him you don’t find him as attractive as he looked in the photos, but just let him know you felt misled.
Might help him for the future but I’m also thinking of other girls that could experience what you did with him. Maybe he just needs to be told and he’ll fix it up?
I had a similar experience, I went on a date with a guy who I was talking with for two days, he wanted to go on a walk in a park and was sweet enough to find something close by to me. However , the moment we met he said he was unemployed. Which was a turn off, and I didn’t want to be rude so after 45 minutes
I said I think I should leave because I wasn’t really feeling it and didn’t want to waste his time as well as mine. Also his pics were also from few years ago…and he looked different. But anyways I did feel bad about it, but I had the same feeling like I wanted to leave asap. I sent him a message saying I didn’t feel a vibe, but good luck with everything. He accepted it very gracefully.
Nope. You did the right thing, in the most tactful way you could. I’m sorry you got deceived.