I was in a three year long term relationship with someone that I thought was a virgin. We were both “virgins” and were planning to wait until marriage. We met at church through mutual friends and I thought I met the one. I am not very political and I have family that skew very far in both directions so I began doing my own research in terms of politics. That is when he offered to essentially teach me politics. I realized he leaned very conservative but the reason why this is relevant is because he never mentioned any economic policies, any policies having to do with civil liberties , or wars, or anything like that. The ONLY thing he mentioned was how the LGBTQ community has gone too far. We had our disagreements however, he was a Christian with a stronger relationship to God so I chucked it up to that. But, it got to a point where he always brought it up…. One time he even said,” I would rather get shot than stand next to a gay man.” When he said this, I began to side eye him. Maybe even considering the possibility he could be secretly gay. However, when I confided to my peers and other women in the church they told me I was letting outside influence like social media poison my thoughts, and to let my potential husband lead me. they also anointed any doubts that I had in him including the “spirit of homosexuality.”
Until one day, he was sitting down on his phone and I was cuddling him around his shoulders. I saw he was in his messages and noticed a bunch of unknown numbers. Something in my spirit told me to get my phone and secretly take a picture so I can search up the numbers later… well. I did. One that really stuck out to me was him texting ,”rates.” I didn’t think much of it. Honestly assumed it was a barber but something told me to search it up on Google. So I did later that night and … I saw a prostitute that was a trans born a man. It was really the wording they used in their advertisement like ,”come get pounded by this shemale.” I looked up the other numbers and they were all prostitutes. I sent him a big paragraph saying we were over at like 3 in the morning and I woke up to members in the church telling me to calm down, don’t make harsh decisions, and “let God decide.”
I obviously grew up very Christian if you couldn’t guess. My sex education was my family putting a picture of a vagina with warts on the television and saying,” if you have sex unmarried, your vagina will look like this.”
I only went to private schools. I feel so disturbed. Everyone around me is saying I need to stop being so rash and in marriage, women have to deal with things. Even being told,” You can’t let the world influence my decisions. Let the Holy Spirit guide you to make the decision you know is right.”
So am I being worldly? Or am I just having common sense. Am I looking at the perspective of someone who has no idea what it’s like to be marriage? Or is there a possibility that I won’t have to deal with something like this?