For context, my boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) are both diagnosed ADHD and have been together for about a year. He usually takes medication however has been off of it for a few months due to his PCP no longer able to prescribe stimulants. Henceforth, I have been on him to schedule a new psychiatrist appointment to get back on meds. I also take stimulants once a day.
He is great at remembering dates: birthdays, anniversaries, etc. However he constantly forgets important details about me (my college major, the sport I played in HS, what I study now in graduate school, my parents names, my middle name). Whenever I ask him about myself and he can’t remember, it seems to eat him alive. Despite taking notes in his phone, he still cannot seem to remember things about me I’ve told him a million times. This also extends to other tasks like forgetting things at the house all the time, forgetting to schedule appointments, and so on.
I also struggle with my executive functioning memory, so I try very hard to be patient and will tell him some things over and over so he might remember. But sometimes it gets overwhelming, especially considering it feels like a lack of care when it comes to information about me. I’ll remind him to write things down, suggest he put things on a calendar and/or a task app that reminds him of daily things.
This is an issue that we have talked about thoroughly and I’m truly struggling as to whether his ADHD is actually impeding his memory that significantly, if it’s him not listening or caring enough to, or a mix of both. I am usually very amicable, but I’m reaching a point where we have been together long enough, you should know. To be fair he also can’t remember his mother’s degree, what his sister is studying, where she works.
To me if I really want to remember something I write it down at least 3 times, and I can remember every little thing about him: his favorite dinosaur, what his struggles in high school were, the grade he made in high school algebra, etc.
Just looking for someone with similar experiences, and or advice on how you determine whether it’s a lack of care or memory problems.
TL;DR: Is my ADHD boyfriend’s forgetfulness a lack of care and/or a severe executive functioning problem?