So my husband of almost five years, came clean to me about texting with another woman. He came clean because he thought I saw a text she sent while I was playing a game on his phone. He tried his best to give zero details though, but I had seen a woman’s photo on the profile, so I knew it was another woman.
For context, before we even started dating, I told him that I had many issues because of my parents relationship, and that as exaggerating as it may be, I drew a very thick line in some aspects. Cheating is a big no, no second chances, and just thinking of doing it is betrayal to me. He accepted it and said he would never hurt me.
Fast forward to yesterday, the anxiety killing me, I went and asked if he had had any feelings for this woman he had randomly texted while we were waiting at the airport together, watching our children play. He said yes, a few years before we met. I asked him why, why would he text her… he replied that he suddenly wondered what happened to her. Then, I asked him if he came clean to me only because he thought I read the conversation. He said, yes.
I quote: “I was hiding it from you. I knew that it would hurt you.”
If he knew he’d hurt me, why would he do it? Then, he started saying I was crazy, that he couldn’t have any female friends anymore, that he needed my permission for everything, that I could have his phone and check everything if I wanted… but he didn’t think he was wrong.
I don’t care that he texted her, but that he felt he had to hide it. It broke the trust I had blindly given him. I had never ever questioned anything he did or said before, until now. I look at him and I only see a person willing to lie and hide things, someone I can’t ever trust.
I know myself, and I will never trust him again. I will be wondering if he’s texting someone else, seeing someone… and that’s not the life I want. I want to be able to trust blindly and not get hurt.
I asked for the divorce, but he wants a second chance. I am not willing to give it at this moment, I can’t.
Any advice from anyone that has gone through something similar? I truly need it.