I genuinely believe this generation is fucked when it comes to dating and a large reason for this is social media. As a woman, there are constant videos of “if he didn’t plan a date in a week dump him, if he didn’t ask how your day was he doesn’t care, if he didn’t feel it from date one he will never want you”. Some honestly can be true to an extend but majority really just feed unhealthy patterns and behaviors in dating. This also goes for men too, i believe men see on social media how independent woman are and how they just prefer to be alone and not approached so they don’t even bother and I don’t blame them! If I saw those videos as a man I wouldn’t want to bother anyone ever again.
I’m personally trying to stray away from social media when it comes to dating because there is truly no right or wrong way to date. The only way to go about it is be respectful to yourself and others, be kind, and be open to new experiences. I’m still very single (27f) but at this point I’m not going to follow rules that social media should say I should follow to find “my person”. I really hope people who read this take into consideration on how social media is really ruining our experience on making new connections and getting out there when dating. I’ll continue to remain positive and so shall everyone else trying to find genuine connections.
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I think something I’ve learned that I wish more people would take as a philosophy is that dating should be additive. If you’re in a relationship, that person should make your life better than it was before. Dating shouldn’t be used to fill a hole and we should all avoid relationships just for the sake of them. It’s supposed to be fun and (most of the time) the goal is a meaningful connection. Being too desperate is a) a turn off for most people and b) not good even in a relationship since it can lead to people tolerating abuse.
I think people have increasingly unrealistic physical expectations too now. Like, everyone: social media (with its multiple filters, touch ups, and 1,528 photos taken to get just one to post) is not real life. Literally everyone wants a Ken or Barbie, and I think that’s a damaging expectation.
Unnecessary doomerism.
It’s a symptom of the radicalization effects of social media.
When an “influencer” wants to get clicks and views, they can’t talk about mellow, complex or nuanced topics. They need to tell people “I know what’s up! And you can know too if you follow me!”
So you get “OBVIOUS RED FLAGS that tell you your man is not worth keeping” or fake biology bs like “10 reasons why you should only date virgin women” etc.
It’s a toxic soup of stereotypes, bad personal experiences, anecdotal evidence and straight up lying.
That’s true. What you see these days are utter bull.
I mean to be fair I’m not on any social media and it’s still fucked. So whether you stay away from it or not doesn’t matter much
Do you find it’s easier to meet people if you focus on being kind, genuine, and open with people? I’ve personally tried to but things didn’t get better
As a single male who is 23, I agree with you. I still use social media, but not too much. I never had a girlfriend before or went on dates in my life (so far, for now), but that doesn’t mean I won’t give up. I gotta stay hopeful because I know that there will be the right woman somewhere down the road.
Just remember to stay positive and never lose hope 🙂
Social media has ruined dating
Sounds like you’re the one who can’t filter terrible advice or are around too many people who can’t lol. In case it’s not obvious, people are different, some men ask about your day, some expect you to tell about your day without prompts, some genuinely don’t care; some men are certain from day one, some need time to process their feelings. You know, human stuff. Also, if a man gets insecure and gives up dating over women wanting or not wanting, but not NEEDING a partner, would you seriously want that man?
Gooooood, i’ve been saying this for years! I do not shit you, i feel the same!!!!! Wtf do we do??
I’m a woman and I’m telling you, the woman who does that stay away from her.
There are many genuine people out there who are not afflicted by this stuff and want great relationships but they usually have good relationships with themselves and will look for people who parallel that, or avoid a relationship all together if they need to focus on growth/change and not make concessions for people they can tell are in a different life ballpark/inner life. Personally most of the woman I dated weren’t really on the internet, and if they were it was mostly for their craft.
The best thing I did was stop trying to look, but ensure I was doing social and personal things that put me in the right places and made me more attractive to myself and others and growing my personal confidence in life, not just with people. I filled my own void. I also moved to a big city where I stand a better chance of meeting people who like people like me. Locals have their own mainstream cultures, and if you don’t fit or stick out within that paradigm it’s challenging.
Having community, events, new friends coming in and around is crucial. TBH most of the people who are conditioned by the internet or having a hard time have a hard time with nearly every other aspect that feeds into relationship potential.
Ask hard questions to yourself and make changes. Imagine you have no desire to be with someone. Are you happy with yourself? Only thing you can really control in the dating world is you and what you broadcast.
You seem to have some internalized misogyny in your OP
I follow @vess.your.big.sis and seems healthy
I’ve been single coming up 8 years and I have talked to a LOT of sad and lonely people. However, most of those people are not willing to put effort in to maintain a conversation to get to a friendship let alone dating. I’m just after a decent person with good moral values who is kind, caring, empathetic and honest. I put a lot of time and effort into people who put time into me and that pays off. But finding and keeping that is rare. We seem to be in a world of take and no give. If you don’t make an effort and take some risk to try, then you can take all you want, but it likely won’t get you a relationship
Sometimes I get glimpses that this generation might actually be better off than past generations when it comes to dating because we know so much of each other now than ever before. It’s a bit of an information overload at times so I find myself trying best to cope by knowing people a lot less than necessary
Great post – and as a veteran dating coach Ive seen it all. but most people dont want to believe becuse its comfortable not to. Like someone smart said: Misery is comfortable thats why most people prefer it. Happiness takes effort.
Anyway, I am trying to fix the Online Dating problem with a Coaching Platform – to traing men and women how to meet in real life and how to be a datable human. Feel free to check it out its called Fylo on app store and google play store.
I gave up on dating years ago. I have a useless degree, am poor, not good looking, mentally ill, and possibly have ADHD. I will never be in a good place for dating. The loneliness gets really bad but I just sit through it until it goes away.
This generation’s way of dating has me feeling so disillusioned, I hate it so much
before I got married, I pretty much started giving people one strike and then they were done. If they were something said or done that a decent person with common sense would not do to someone they cared about, I didn’t take the time to educate you. My life was awesome and peaceful, and the wrong people coming in was intolerable.
but I think that’s why I found an amazing man who worships the ground I walk on and vice versa, instead of being stuck wondering “why doesn’t he talk to me all day?? “
Social media glamorizes the independent lifestyle. Social media also poisons the sex’s against each other. Some dudes won’t even give women a chance anymore, and vice versa just because of bs social media narratives. People are more on guard than ever these days. There are ppl who exist who don’t fall for that mess, but they seem few and far between.
Back when I was a teenager we had a thing called a slow set.
We had a disco in our small town and all the dudes playing air guitar and what not.
Then twice a night the DJ could start the slow set. This consisted of love songs and the guys had to ask the girls for a dance to the slow set of love songs.
This was back in the 1980’s not the 1880’s.
Social media is ruining relationships and future relationships.
Pushing 33 and living a very self sufficient life with my own space and other necessities, staying fit and having hobbies. Still kills me that I’m unable to find someone. Like why is it so difficult for me but everyone else is either married or dating someone.
Yeah, I don’t know what’s worse, going to social media for dating advice or going to chatbots “AI” lol.
It’s very refreshing to see stuff like this because I often think the same. When I’m in the “real world”, a lot of women who come into my work or who I see in public spaces are totally fine with being approached and talked to. I don’t mean “approach” like I’m asking every girl out or flirting with every girl, it’s just normal conversation, but when I get on social media I just see countless videos about how men are worthless to women and how they’d rather be left alone and it makes me feel insecure and less confident to talk to people. So when women speak out on social media like you have, it feels a lot better about being more social in the real world.