I am a 42M and Im now dating a 23F. I’m divorced with kids, the oldest is 14. In the half of the time I don’t have my kids, I’m pretty active. I know I am attractive as Ive only dated attractive women younger than me since my divorce, but they’ve been typically 10yrs younger. I met the 23F in the wild, not knowing her age, and got her number and asked her out. By the time I figured out her age, she had said yes, so I just decided to go with it. On our first date she told me she found me on the internet and knew I was divorced with kids. She said she didn’t mind. We’ve really connected and have seen each other a few times.
We had a talk today where we agreed that we aren’t each other’s long-term option, realistically. I’m not having anymore kids. But we’ve agreed to continue dating casually in the meantime.
She is very attractive, and I would’ve guessed that I would have been excited to show her off. But, I find myself kind of afraid that the age gap is so much thats its strange.
24 comments
Where did u meet her?
You came be friends. You dont have to date. Esp since it’s already established it’s not serious or long term
You’re both adults. However, if I was dating a man and learned that he previously dated someone in their early 20s, I would think it was a yellow/red flag.
Half your age plus seven amigo
It’s weird and you know it. Which is why you’re asking.
This wont end well
Yes, that’s weird. I’m 30M currently interested in a 26F and worried if she’ll be creeped out by the age gap. I know that’s not an uncommon age gap, but I look old for my age, she looks young for her age. Plus 4 years for a 30yr old is less significant than a 4yr gap to a 26yr old – and I’m worried about her perspective, not mine. But OP, enjoy your success while I navigate my likely loss.
It’s weird. I’m a 24M and couldn’t fathom it.
As long as you agree you’re casually dating, I guess it’s fine since you’re consenting adults, but as a 30s woman I would find the age difference off-putting if we were dating seriously down the line and found out about it. I don’t think someone’s brain is fully developed until 25 so, yeah, overall it’s weird in my opinion to date someone if your age starts with a 4 and theirs with a 2. I dunno. If it’s just a rebound for sex I guess go for it? But also understand that, again, you’re communicating with someone who’s on a whole different wavelength in life. Maybe be the more mature one and let her go to avoid wasting her time since you have the foresight of an adult and she doesn’t. Otherwise there’s the potential for manipulation.
Nah have fun man! Nothing wrong w it. If a woman does this everyone says “you go girl!” Double standard. Probably not a long term situation but anything is possible. Have fun!
Dude. Get a vasectomy. Just in case.
Is she mature for her age?
Do you have daughters? What would you tell her if she came home at 23 and said, “dad, I’m fucking an old guy, but don’t worry, neither of us want a relationship, so it’s fine!”
Yes, you’re both consenting adults blah blah but she’s closer to your kids age than yours. The amount of cliche you are is embarrassing to your ex and kids, which you know. That’s one reason you don’t want to “show her off.” You know you don’t want a relationship with her, is there really nobody else you can have sex with? Why string her along? Is it because she has less baggage than a 30 year old and just easier to hang out with? Does it boost your ego to say you’re fucking a 23 year old? I’m sure she’s hot, but so are 30year olds. You don’t have to be this guy.
Tbh this level of age gap is still a little too much at almost any age, if that makes sense. Like I’m 33 and would generally have little in common with someone in their early 50s. The caveats you put like knowing you aren’t gonna date long term and not wanting more kids etc make it less weird but it’s still weird lol you’ll probably realize over time she’s too immature for you anyway
Is she close to your oldest kids age?
Yeah probably. I personally wouldn’t. I’m around your same age… I think 35 is low as I’d reasonably go unless something happened IRL.
Dude, saying you met “in the wild” is kinda creepy. You also mentioned the initial thought be being “excited to show her off” which makes me think you don’t respect the people you date. We show ourselves off, not the other way around.
I will say there are some situations where the nature of a relationship is more consensually dominant and submissive. Obviously this is a choice between the two of you, but how you have framed things doesn’t feel like the respect is truly there. At the very least, consider the impact you may have on her life and how your age could negatively affect her. You’ve both had conversations about the gap it seems so that’s good, and it’s been established that this isn’t meant to be long-term. Please ask her if she feels comfortable being “shown off” though and maybe consider how you speak about others… always get consent, even with words. She is a person not an object.
Overall… feels creepy ngl
It’s kinda ick. And if I was your 14 y/o kid, I’d be grossed out by it.
You have a big enough age gap that it’s not weird. Don’t care what other people think when you find love you hold onto it.
I couldn’t understand it when I was in my early 20s and now that I am in my 40s and keep saying no to girls in their 20s, I kind of understand( I say no mostly because I can clearly see I am the sugar daddy. If I would’ve met one that was stable/established and we had common interests, I’d say yes, of course) . It’s NOT weird. Anyone saying it is immature AND insecure. 23 years old is not a child and in many countries it would be already a doctor, software engineer, investment banker,etc.
What these relationship often lack is compatibility. And sometimes rich old men do take advantage of young naive women. If both are grown, able to communicate and both on the same page – there are no red flags and OP, you should feel lucky and happy and not strange.
Well, for starters I wouldn’t be asking people on this subreddit (or most dating subreddits for that matter). For whatever reason most redditors absolutely hate age gap stuff, especially if the guy is the older one. You’re likely to get the worst responses and worst advice this way (which you definitely have). Try the age gap subreddits. They aren’t quite so umm… *insane* (for lack of a better word) when it comes to this sort of stuff and will definitely give you answers that are less unhinged, inexplicably hateful, contradictory or unnecessarily judgemental.
Personally, the largest age gap I’ve had was 16 years and it only really got awkward once, at work because one of my coworkers really didn’t get along with her (long story). We had fun, had a few nice dates and genuinely enjoyed each other’s company but never really got passed the dating phase. Her life got insanely busy (working 2 full-time jobs) and we lost touch.
Agreed. Tried it when I was 28. She was 23-24
Lust reeled me in. She was cute curvy thick. My type.
Relationship lasted 1.5yrs until I broke up with her.
The real her started coming out. Immaturity level showed.
I bet you don’t look as young as you think you do standing next to her.
Your trepidation is your answer.
I know people who still matured around 22, but the people I know who were still immature by 24 remained that until today at 30+.