My boyfriend (25M) and I (25F) have been together for 8 years. We’ve been living together for half a year.
Two months ago, he told me he had fallen in love with another girl (26F). The feelings are strong and still haven’t gone away. He hasn’t messaged her, nothing physical has ever happened. He only saw her once after realizing his feelings, at an event where they talked. Because of work, they’ll likely keep running into each other for the rest of their lives.
He was honest with me and said that this is the first time in all these years that he’s felt something like this. He admitted he’s been getting bored in our relationship, and since we’ve been together since we were 17, he feels like he “missed out” on his youth.
We’ve both said multiple times that we want to try to get through this, to reignite the spark between us. But he also admitted that a part of him doesn’t want to let go of this feeling for her, because it makes him feel alive again.
We’ve been trying to work through this for two months now, but every day is filled with anxiety for both of us. Even when he says he’ll manage to get over her, half an hour later he’ll say something like: “But what if I miss these feelings in our relationship and leave you in 5 years anyway?” He’s also scared this might happen again with another girl in the future.
Twice already we’ve been at the edge of breaking up. Both times we said: “Okay, that’s it, we’re done.” But then we hesitated, thinking: what if we’re making a mistake? Because up until two months ago, we really were happy together.
Does anyone have advice, a solution, or even just an explanation for why we can’t seem to break up? The last two months have been so heavy—endless talks, tears, but we’re stuck in a cycle and don’t know how to get out.
TL;DR: Together 8 years (since we were 17). My boyfriend fell in love with another girl two months ago. Nothing physical has happened, but because of work he’ll likely see her for the rest of his life. We’ve tried to work through it, but he admits he doesn’t want to let go of the feelings because they make him feel alive. We’ve almost broken up twice but can’t seem to actually end things, even though the last two months have been filled with anxiety, doubt, and endless talks.