I, 52 yo female am so upset with myself! I started “dating” a man, 55 yo male, who frequented the same lounge I go to. I never date men from there because it’s my go to place and I knew it wasn’t a good idea. And I’m selective with my time and who I date. However, he and I really hit it off over time. He definitely had a lot of good qualities I am hoping for in a mate (although I’m seeing clear communication might not be one of those qualities 🤔)
Over the course of 2 months, we went on a few dates and would meet up to spend time together at the lounge. I thought things were going well. We kissed maybe 3 times but nothing else physically. Both of us expressed being attracted to one another and enjoyed getting to know each other.
He had a lot going on with family and work which caused him to be a bit distracted when it came to us. He apologized many times and was always very open about what was going on (he was recently promoted and adjusting to new responsibilities; his mother was in another state and had health problems so he visited often; adult daughter was dealing with house renovations that he was helping with; son was an athlete dealing with an injury and transitioning teams) to name most of the issues…
I was very patient and understanding but eventually within a couple months, he told me he liked me a lot and enjoyed getting to know me but couldn’t focus on a relationship at the moment. He even asked if when things calmed down if we could revisit dating. I was disappointed but told him I understood and was fine with that.
We continued to run into each other a couple times a week. We remained cordial. He’d even text occasionally, and I’d respond.
About 6 weeks later he shows up to the lounge with a woman he is obviously dating. I was very hurt but of course did not show it.
I saw him a few more times afterwards w/o the woman and we interacted as we normally did. He even asked me about work and family etc whenever I would see him. Every time brought on a little anxiety because I was still dealing with the rejection but I said nothing and acted as if I wasn’t bothered.
3 months later, (this weekend)after not seeing him because I did not frequent the place as much this summer nor did he because of his work and family obligations that I knew he’d be dealing with thus summer from when we were communicating, I saw him with the same woman.
I’m still a little hurt. It’s nothing major but just irritating. Not to sound horrible, but I just don’t feel she holds a candle to me. Not physically, mentally or socially. I feel bad that I’m even judging her like that or thinking about it so much. And of course I’m mature enough to know he obviously had a better connection with her.
I know rejection is a part of life and it is what it is and doesn’t define my worth. I’m not lacking attention or options. Quite a few men at the lounge, many of whom are his friends would like to date me and have let me know this but I politely decline. I guess I just want to know why. I’ll never ask him and of course none of you can answer that question. I just needed to vent and ask for advice on getting over this since I’ll continue to see him. Anyone else been in a similar situation?
TL/DR: man I dated briefly at lounge I frequent rejected me for an unknown reason and now brings new girlfriend around. I’m a little irritated and hurt but of course I’ll never let him know. I get he obviously had a better connection with her etc. I’m just venting and actually feel ridiculous even posting this. Asking if anyone has been through this and for any advice since I will continue to see him/them together?