Idk if this is an abusive relationship. It felt like it at times but he makes me think that Im to blame for most of it. We've been together for almost 2 years. When we met i thought he was so different in a good way, he spoke Italian, grew up in England, very creative and most importantly seemed to really value marriage and family. He said his most important goal in life was to get married. I clung onto him because he was amazing, told me how beautiful I was every day, helped me with everything. Honestly so much so it made me feel slightly uncomfortable. He was so kind to me and helped me with my struggles and I wanted to be a better person for him. Around 9/10 months he said I was the love of his life and I pushed back on it, as I don't trust people easily. I asked him if he ever told anyone that before and he said no, but I kept insisting and he finally admitted he said that to someone only once and that he didn't mean it. He always told me that he's not going anywhere and eventually I belived him. I had some reservations as he was mid 30s and didn't have a career. He kept jobs but he could never figure out what he wanted to do in life. He hinted that he wanted to get married soon and that whenever I was ready we would do it.
But it felt like the second I became head over heels for him the problems started. He would get angry with me because he asked me to go to the gym but it took me a long time to start going regularly. He said it made him feel like I didn't care about him. That he does all these things for me and that I couldn't even do this for him. When I finally started going more regularly he said all I needed to do to keep him happy was going to the gym and regular sex. Then he started becoming unhappy with so many things. If it wasn't the gym, it was he didn't like how I said certain words, that I never listened to him, and that im too timid in the bedroom. He would tell me he felt this "passion" in other relationships but something is missing with me. I admit im little prudish as I don't have a lot of sexual experience. I became way more open in the bedroom but still even we he seemed satisfied he would still critique me about things he wants.
Over time he stopped calling me beautiful, and said he's unsure about me. Every time he told me something I tried to fix it but he was never satisfied. He would break up with me constantly. Maybe every other week. And I just couldn't believe that this person who said he's not going anywhere could do this to me. I felt like he was the only person I could rely on, I was never so vulnerable with anyone in my life but he said I had a guard up and that it makes our relationship hard.
Whenever I disagreed with him he would get so angry. Claim that I don't know what he's talking about and that im not hearing him. He would sometimes drive crazy and flip people off in the car and when I told him to not do that he would get mad at me. Any time I brought up something even if I said it as nicely as possible he would get defensive and turn things around on me. When we weren't have regular sex because of opposite work schedules he would blame me even though he didn't initiate. And he would get irritable so if didn't have sex for a couple days I would get anxious. Anxiety was something he talked to me alot about, he said my anxiety was too much and that he doesn't want to deal with it. I told him I was anxious about our relationship so much because he broke up with me constantly and was unhappy with me alot. I would ask for reassurance and he would get mad and say that I ask for too much. He acted like he didn't know how to give it even though in the beginning he did it so amazingly.
I thought he wanted me in the gym so we could be workout buddies but he admitted he wanted me to have bigger legs. One time he commented "are you sure you don't want bigger legs" I asked him to not say stuff like that and he yelled at me and was saying that he can't even compliment me without me getting upset.
He would tell me how strangely I initiate sex, that im not enough, how he thinks horrible things about me, how he's always unhappy with me even when he seemed like he wasn't. Said I wasn't a curious person, that im not his kind of person, that im not engaging in conversation, that I don't have friends, how im selfish. Whatever he wanted i would try to give him. With sex I asked him so many times what he wants from me but he could never explain it. He would say it's either you have it or you don't and I didn't have it. And that we don't have a passionate kind of love. He also sulks alot and locks himself in his room whenever he's upset.
One time he broke up with me because I was too depressed to get out of bed and I told him I wasn't feeling well. I decided to get groceries delivered and I told him I would still make dinner. He then told me I was lazy and then broke up with me
Another time he came to mine after work and was in a bad mood. He was rude and yelled that he doesn't like coming here. I didn't say anything and we went to sleep. The next day I told him that what he said hurt my feelings and he said I shouldn't have to apologize because what I said wasn't mean and that people aren't owed apologies just because their feelings are hurt. This was so hypocritical because if I had done the same thing he would be yelling at me. He then was like you always start arguments and basically that my feelings don't matter, he's tired of it and he's breaking up with me.
Also at the beginning of our relationship he said he doesn't watch porn in relationships. But after about a year he said he started watching porn again essentially because I don't fulfill him. When I brought up him watching porn a later time he broke up with me.
Idk if this is abuse or just someone who's not that into me. Every time I bring up how he treats me, he just says then why are you with me?
TL;DR; :
Boyfriend once treated me great but now is mad at me for nearly everything I do and creates arguments out of thin air.