My girlfriend (both 30s) have been together officially for 6 months, and on the whole it’s been an amazing 6 months. She’s the only person I’ve ever been with who I can envisage having kids with and settling down with. I feel very safe with her generally.
For context, I’ve been on a work trip many hours ahead of our timezone, but we kept in regular contact throughout my trip. Mostly I’d wake up and see texts from her, given my time zone was much further ahead than hers, but one morning I woke up to no texts from her, I messaged her, but no response, and she didn’t respond until the morning after (her time, late afternoon my time). I wasn’t too worried about this at the time, I figured she’d just gotten an early night or something (she’s done it in the past with no issue).
When I get back home I’d basically forgotten about it, but we were talking about something which prompted me to ask her whether she got an early night that day. She pondered for a moment, and then said yes she did have an early night. At some point later she said that she didn’t want to be a ‘nuisance’ texting me whilst I’m trying to sleep, which to me didn’t make sense, the previous night she texted me during the hours I’d been asleep with no issue. I also highlighted that I’d texted her my morning (her late evening), to which she didn’t have much of a reply, just that she had an early night.
Yesterday we went to pick up a new cat and at some point on the way back she said something like, even if we broke up, I’d want you to have the cat, and she could see I was visibly caught off guard by that. She clarified that she loved me very much and that she wasn’t even dreaming about breaking up, and that she thinks I’m the one, she just said that as a just in case thing. Common sense, I guess, but still find it strange she’d say something like that. A bit later she saw I was still a bit caught up on it or quiet I guess, and she reiterated her points above, saying who knows what could happen, I could do something stupid…. Like eat (the cat’s) head off or something – she was purposefully being dramatic but her saying ‘I could do something stupid’ sounded weird to me.
Fast forward to later on when we’re at home and we have another discussion about it. And she reiterates that she said those things without even really thinking about how they might come across (I know she has severe depression and anxiety which can make her communication quite bad sometimes). And she cried shortly after. Important context I think is that she basically has no family. Her parents did unspeakable things to her, to put it mildly, and it’s left deep scars on her. She’s said to me in the past that she wishes she had a family and she feels betrayed by her family which is understandable, and that sometimes fuels her feelings of worthlessness.
I do trust her, but I can’t help feeling like what she’s said, and more importantly, how she said these things, is a bit suspicious. But I’m also not sure whether it’s my anxiety playing on me, as I have even worse anxiety than my girlfriend and I know it’s a problem. Either way I can’t help connecting dots, like many months ago she said during a dinner that ‘cheating once might be forgivable’, and we had a discussion about that at the time and it was the same kind of thing, she said she meant that if I cheated once, because of how much she loved me, thought highly of me etc, she’d forgive me… but weird? And I also noticed many months ago that she had locked chats on her WhatsApp, which I’ve never asked her about.
All these things in isolation are probably nothing to worry about, but combined, are they red flags? Obviously I want to protect myself, I’ve been in relationships before which have broken down due to a breach of trust, which has been scarring for me admittedly. I love my gf very very much, so I don’t want to break up with her, but I also don’t want to ignore any potential red flags. Curious for this sub’s opinions, thank you.