My (myself 32) now ex partner (34) just ended our relationship over message because I found out about something he hadn’t been honest about. Now he’s saying he still wants to be close friends for the sake of his children and mine. Do I continue with a friendship for the sake of the children?
For context. We have been together 3 months, dating for 4 months but known each other for 16 years.
He hadn’t been entirely honest about something in regards to another woman, he hasn’t cheated on me but he told me he hadn’t had contact with her since 2018. I found out (with evidence) that he had repeatedly attempted contact with her up until him & I became official.
No I am a firm believer that the past is the past but behavioural patterns are a concern for me especially if it impacts relationships. He cheated on his ex with this woman in 2018, he told me about that. But told me he hadn’t repeatedly attempted cut contact with said woman. But I found out from her that it’s been very recent that he has attempted contact again.
I tried to address this situation with him very calmly and with an open mind. He ended things over message saying he couldn’t mentally cope with the anxiety of this situation I was causing. I felt this was gaslighting/manipulating me. He didn’t have a habit of telling me I caused him anxiety when we needed to iron out some little hiccups in our relationship. Which made me feel I had to silence my feelings in regards to anything to avoid him feeling upset and anxious.
So anyway he ended things within 2 messages. I didn’t fight for him, I went with it.
He then proceeded to say he hopes we can still be close friends for the sake of his children and mine. We had often arranged meet ups with ourselves and children and they got on brilliantly. It became a weekly thing for all of us. As much as I don’t want to hurt my children and his by cutting contact, but I feel I need to protect myself against the possibly manipulation he has.
Do I continue with him as friends as we were for 16 years for the sake of the children or do I completely cut him out to save my sanity?
I did develop very strong feelings for this man but seeing his true colours over navigating situations with him during our relationship has made me reconsider a lot anyway. I know I can disconnect emotionally but our children knew and loved the fact we had become a couple. I don’t want to hurt the children.
Many thanks for reading if you got this far 🙂