Hey guys, is it kind of weird to have very good longterm friendships with women and never have them sort of set me up with another woman basically ever?
These are three women I love as friends and deeply value and we do all sorts of stuff for each other, like help each other move, help get jobs etc. But I read a good number of times that women love to play the role of a sort of matchmaker or so and it's something Ive been wondering about. Do they think that negatively about me as a potential partner that they would never introduce me to a friend? I mean, I should probably just ask them, but I feel a bit awkward just asking them something that boils down to "hey, do you actually think I'm a piece of shit you would never ever set up with a friend? lmao
22 comments
wtf
Just ask them. I’ve told female friends before that I’m on the market and wouldn’t mind meeting someone and if they knew someone available that they thought was a match, they set me up with them.
Stop overthinking, just do.
i certainly wouldn’t phrase it like that
have you ever told these friends you would like to get into a relationship and ask if they would they be willing to introduce you to some singles they know?
they are not mind readers
Idk about this, but I did find out recently that a friend I’ve been close to since kindergarten is known amongst his other friend group as a matchmaker, and bro has never once helped me out. On my list of top 10 anime betrayals for real.
I get where you’re coming from, but honestly, I think you’re overthinking it too much, each person has their own life to worry about, they’re not always thinking about you, have you set your friends up with someone? you probably didn’t even think about it, if you want to have them set you up, ask them lightly about it
you’re not “unworthy” if people don’t remind you that you’re not, you’re a valuable person and that alone means you have a chance at love like the rest of us, focus on building your self image, and go out there, meet new people, and let them decide if they like you or not, not your friends, not even yourself should be playing that role, at the end of the day, it’s a numbers game, and you’ll find people that will like the things you don’t even like yourself, and you’ll get surprise by that, cheers!
So…I’ve a male friend I’ve asked the same of….any friends you can set me up with?
He replied with a no. Nobody he knows is good enough for me in his eyes
You may be looking at the situation in reverse. Your not horrible…they may value you enough that a potential match has to have equal value, any less isnt worth the match
(One of the nicest compliments I’ve been given, BTW.)
I think this is a huge non-issue.
Not every woman enjoys playing matchmaker. I’ve never even thought of doing that for a male friend. Maybe they just don’t have any girlfriends with whom they think you’d be compatible. And if you’ve never expressed a desire for them to set you up with one of their friends, then it’s entirely possible the thought has just never naturally crossed their minds.
I had a coworker at my last job nag me to try and hit on some women at another table while a few of us went for drinks after work, but that’s all I’ve experienced apart from occasionsal ‘how has no one snatched you up’ comments over the years. I’ve asked before if people know anyone available, but I get ‘no I don’t know anyone’ or ‘I don’t have any [single] friends’ in response.
Just ask them or even your guy friends who might have friends or if you like any of your girl friends then ask out.
Ive had tons of friends try to set me up but it was because I thought it up
One of my friends says she hates being set up with people because she has a specific type.
In my experience, this could blow up in your face. They are going to be throwing people your way that they think you should be with, not people you like necessarily. Also, there’s nothing like getting rejected by someone you didn’t want in the first place. That’s a whole type of nasty feeling you might not want to invite into your life. Better to just keep looking on your own. But that’s all just my own experience. Good luck!
A female friend of mine told me she once set two friends up and it worked for a while, then blew up in a couple of years when they had a bad breakup and that she would never do it again 😅
I LOVE playing matchmaker, but I never approach that subject with anyone unless they specifically ask me and sit down with me to discuss what they’re looking for. So unless you’ve had a recent conversation about this and made it clear that’s what you want, you’re likely reading too much into their non-action.
I think it depends. I’ve been set up by a friend of mine before or a coworker in my previous company I was at. But I didn’t like any of the guys. Not my type. I don’t think you’re missing anything tbh. lol 😆 I have more luck via apps actually. Haha.
I have some guy friends. I won’t set my friends up with one of them because he is a player. He’s slept with like 150+ women. We all know how he’s and his reputation with women. He won’t ever commit to one girl. Not exactly BF material. I would feel guilty if I set my friend up with him he can’t be a good partner. Another one has feelings for me. He won’t set me up with his friends because he likes me romantically. I asked him to set me up and he wouldn’t. I know he has feelings for me more than mere friendship (or just sex I think). I would never go to his place alone nor would I be alone with him. I keep him at a certain distance. I won’t ever sleep with him.
You can ask your friends and see what they say. They may not be aware that you’re looking to meet women to go on dates with. Just don’t say it like that though, too direct. 😅 Just ask them like “hey do you know any single women? I may be interested if they happen to be single.” Ask what she’s like etc or if they know of any acquaintances even. She doesn’t have to be their close friend either. They just sometimes know someone who is looking and single. I would just casually ask.
I have several close male friends and I love them dearly, but I will NEVER play matchmaker for them and I would never expect that from them for me.
Everyone’s reasoning is different, but mine is that I don’t want to get in the middle if things go sideways. So I will never set them up with my girl friends or any girl for that matter. I know things could go great, but I’m not willing to risk it.
They’re great guys and any woman they’re with is lucky to have them, but they’re also adults and they are perfectly capable of finding girlfriends if they want.
Chances are your girl friends might have a similar outlook.
Personally, if I found out any of my guy friends EXPECT me to set them up with my girl friends, they’re getting a soft smack on the side of the head. That’s not my role as their friend.
Edited for clarity.
By doing so they run the risk of losing or diluting the helpful free attention that you give. Its not good to create your own competition
That is not a thing. Not sure where you’ve read that, more than once even. I’ve never set my friends up, and they’ve never set me up. Having two people you know date each other is weird, and having them break up and hate each other is worse. My mom likes to play matchmaker and she has been successful once. But this is not a common experience. Don’t overthink it. It says nothing about you. I have amazing male friends and I would never attempt to set them up with someone.
I have had guys ask me, but I literally have no single female friends or family, like pretty much ever. Or the few times I do they would be not at all likely to hit it off. It’s nothing personal, I helped a couple get together in high school once because they just fit, but they weren’t really friends.
I have a friend that is constantly bugging my female friends and I about setting him up with our hot friends
He acts like it’s our duty and to me, it seems lazy, entitled and frankly kind of pathetic. Also I’m sorry, our friends are out of his league. I don’t mean to be rude, but he’s trying to get women that would not be interested in him.
I tried to help him and told him that he should hit the gym more to get stronger, etc and he was so offended.
If I knew of someone that would be a good match with him, I would try to bring them together. If no one is bringing anyone around for you, then they probably don’t know anyone that they think would be a good match for you.
Woman here. Your friends might know that you’re single, but they don’t know that you want them to be involved in helping you to find love. Maybe you want to handle it on their own. Just ask them.
Youre friends aren’t your personal matchmaker dude. Just cuz you’ve read that some women do that, doesnt mean your friends are that kind of people. A good majority of my friends are women, but I know them, and matchmaking isnt any of their things and i wouldnt ever expect that of them, it isnt who they are.
Have you seen them matchmake before? Does this behavior align with their character? Don’t project things you’ve read online onto real people itll almost never line up with real life.
they probably don’t have any single friends or friends that they think you would get along with