I (30F) own a house where I live and rent out a room. In July, my previous roommate moved out and introduced me to his colleague and friend (40M), who then moved in. He had recently relocated for work, said he’d stay in the area for 5 years, and mentioned that starting next year he’ll have his two kids live with him and will get his own place. For now, he lives here during the week and goes back to see them on weekends.
From the beginning, he’s been super charming and funny. We immediately clicked, and over time we started spending most evenings together: he comes home from work, we have dinner, and talk until late at night. I started developing feelings for him.
Here’s where it gets complicated:
He never mentioned his relationship status until one night, right before I left for a 3-week vacation. He casually said he still has a partner (the mother of his children), that things are “complicated,” but he stays with her on weekends mostly for the kids. That was a shock to me, and I didn’t confess my feelings then.
During my vacation, I couldn’t stop talking about him with my family because I was clearly falling for him. When I came back, he went on his own holiday with his kids. While he was gone, we messaged occasionally and he even said he was “starting to worry” when I hadn’t reached out for a while.
He wanted to take me out for my birthday, but kept canceling/postponing. On one of those nights, he didn’t come home until 2am, which is very unusual for him. The next week, he didn’t come home at all one night.
Now I strongly suspect he is seeing (and possibly slept with) another woman. He has never mentioned this to me, which feels strange given how close we are and the fact he even met my family once.
I don’t know how to interpret this:
If we’re just roommates/friends, why hide other women from me?
If he is interested in me, why pursue someone else instead of having an honest conversation?
Is he just keeping multiple options open and enjoying the attention?
We’re supposed to go out for dinner tonight, and I don’t know how to bring this up or what to expect.
TL;DR: My [40M] roommate is charming and I [30F] have developed feelings for him. He has a “complicated” partner (mother of his kids) and I now suspect he’s also seeing another woman. Meanwhile, he spends lots of time with me and met my family. I don’t know if he’s stringing me along, just wants sex, or if I should confront him about it tonight.