I have my first rehearsal with a university choir today.
Despite doing choir for seven years (most of them being auditon choirs), I feel like I won't fit in. I keep feeling like I don't belong, and that everyone will think I'm this weird awkward woman.
Part of it comes from my general insecurity. I think another part of it comes from "trauma" from high school. My high school's choir department was very competitive and snobby (I went to the "rich" high school of my area) and the director played favorites. I fear that's going to happen again, despite the University students (I met) being chill people with their own high school choir trauma.
I also fear I'll get infantilized. I grew up somewhat sheltered. The kids I graduated with grew up with me being the Christian goody-two shoes, despite breaking away from that in sophomore year. I got infantilized a LOT, and I fear that'll happen again in the new choir.
I know I'm leading myself into a self-fuffiling prophecy- if I think they'll see me as a weirdo, they'll get "weirdo" vibes from me. Yet, I can't get the worries out of my head! Please help me 🙁