I often see guys on here saying they are invisible or undesirable or unlovable. I’m not trying to invalidate anyone’s feelings, as there’s nothing wrong with feeling that way, but it’s simply not the truth. feelings ≠ truth.
“There’s someone out there for you” is annoying to hear, but it’s true. It’s just that people frame it as advice, when it’s really just the fact of the matter. unless you’re some fringe psychopath or something, there’s people out there that you’d be a match with.
If you feel unlovable, really think about it for a second. do you really think that there’s zero people on the planet who’d love you? thats silly to believe based on basic probability. Think about any trait you have that you think makes you unlovable, and i guarantee someone with said trait is in a relationship. If you met the right person at the right time tomorrow, just as you are, you’d hit it off with them.
“But they’re so few and far between, i’ll never meet them”
I’m not gonna pretend like meeting compatible people in 2025 is easy. But first of all, you can’t know that to be true. And second of all, there’s probably more than you think, and you’re probably not in the best environment.
Again not here to invalidate your feeling if you feel lonely. Just don’t let that loneliness make you believe you’re less worthy or undesirable. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy that only makes your situation worse, and it was never true to begin with.
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To add to this, don’t settle for the first person that comes along because you’re not wanting to be alone. This could actually make you more miserable in the long run and then before you know it you’ll be trapped by the sunk cost fallacy.
This is why I’m seeing a therapist. I had lost all of my self-worth after 12 years of dating apps.
How can you love someone else if you can’t even love yourself?
>unless you’re some fringe psychopath or something
Or if you’re on the spectrum. There is no bigger lady repellent.
Speaking as an undesirable woman: yes, there are definitely people who will never find a partner. I know this, because I’m one of those people.
Nobody wants an ugly women with a disability.
The last woman I was interested in told me this crap before ghosting me. My self-worth is just fine. I just observe my lack of romantic worth to those I like.
I’ve never had a gf age 31 lol. Tried dating overseas but that shot confidence even more
It’s not at all a fact that someone is out there for everyone. It’s a possibility, but not one that can be verified unless absolutely every person who isn’t a fringe psychopath ends up with “the one.” And they don’t. It’s entirely possible and has happened countless times that people have died without ever having that relationship despite being “normal” and trying their best to find it. And the fact that people worse than the individual are in relationships makes self esteem lower, not higher, because why in the world are they still alone if they are a much better option? This leads to the exact feelings you describe in the beginning: invisibility and lack of confidence. I agree we should be easier on ourselves, though.
I don’t like the premise here. I also used to think dating was just about finding the person who happened to be a good match, who just loved you for who you are. But it was hard to explain then why some guys got women throwing themselves at them all the time while I would go years and years without a single date.
There are skills involved that have to be learned. You do need to make yourself desirable. Do not ever leave it up to fate, or else you will be waiting a long time and depending on luck rather than taking things into your control.
It’s wierd for me because i had good self worth until the evidence and rejections kept building up and being forever alone at nrly 30, my confidence is ok but self-worth has completely been shattered.
My mind only replays failures and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What you say is true and i appreciate that statistically sure i guess someone could love me but my brain just cannot physically imagine someone loving or caring for me, its sad i wish it wasnt like this but my mind has just become this. The only way i could rewire it is to actually receive a bit of love buts its a chicken and egg situation. Anyways thanks for your nice post.
To be fair,its hard, its not great dealing with noting or just rejection left and right for years despite your best efforts to change your situation and better/improve yourself. To add insult to injury, you will see terrible people around you managing to get into a relationship and sometimes with awesome people.
At some point you start question “what is so wrong with me?” and in my opinion most advices does more harm than good with people like that, it just throw them under the bus like you are not good enough, if there is truly someone for everyone why cant I find the person meant for me and so on
There may be someone out there that would like to have a relationship for you, but at some point it gets harder to hang on such a possibility when all you have is proof of the contrary and I think its even worse when you cant get a single date.
Its like a friend of mine used to say, its hard to get better with therapy when the things around you and the problem stay the same. This is the reason people give up or just become numb to the issue when they cant solve it.
Dont get me wrong, I may not like it, but I agree with the post, just wanted to add my 2 cents
I’m gonna argue this but I’m also gonna acknowledge that this is probably biased but I don’t think this is true. I have had relationships in the past and they all failed in the same way, I got left for someone else. That implies it’s a me issue, I’m incredibly shy, anxious, a homebody and i struggle with depression that makes me want to issolate and even when I resist that temptation because I don’t want to hurt people by disappearing I still seem to somehow hurt them anyways. My hobbies are stereotypical of dudes automotive (hell this one is even my job), video games, and history. And appearance wise I’m meh, I struggle to put on weight muscle or other wise I tried for a whole year at the gym consistently going every other day and gained near nothing in muscle mass. The only thing people seem to take note of when it comes to me is my hair but it’s only this long so I can enjoy it cause I suspect I’m going to loose it in my 30s like the rest of my mom’s side of the family.
I really don’t know what I have to offer when I’m surrounded by people far more social, adventurous, attractive and funnier than I am. I apologize for ranting on in this pity party style but this post was incredibly frustrating to see when I don’t know what I have that would make someone want to date me, much less stick around. I haven’t even had a date in over a year. I appreciate the attempt to supply me hope but I’m not sure there is hope for me.
Anyways sorry again for the pity party rant I think I just needed to get the frustration of these feelings out and this post just kinda booped me over the edge.
some of yall have never experienced the feeling of rejection and it shows with posts like this
I realized dating is random. There is no formula for why people connect sometimes. Attractiveness might help with increasing the number of people you might interact with. But there’s almost nothing wrong with most people that they might not connect with anyone.
Thank you, I just needed this rn 🥹 Though I’m conventionally attractive I still barely meet men who seem to be interested in me and approach me. I also struggle with confidence sometimes. I learned to love myself and have self compassion but having no man interested in me feels very lonely… I just don’t meet any men unfortunately 😮💨
I came here to disagree, but then you made too much sense.
You weren’t trying to but you might have anyways.