Ladies in relationships with very close friends of a gender you’re usually attracted to, how do you know you have no romantic feelings towards them at all?
September 10, 2025
Ladies in relationships with very close friends of a gender you’re usually attracted to, how do you know you have no romantic feelings towards them at all?
49 comments
The only one who would fall into the category of “very close” would be a guy who I grew up with that I very much see as a baby brother. I would carry him around as a baby. And our families lived together for a while so we have a very familial relationship and the idea of anything romantic happening between us makes me feel ill. It feels wrong and incest vibes.
Any other guy friend I keep at arms length because they definitely once had sexual attraction for me and I need to keep that line firm.
No sexual attraction
I’ve been attracted to people of various gender expressions but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to everyone. Think about it… if you’re straight, are you attracted to every single man? It makes no sense to assume someone would be attracted to someone based solely on their gender.
I wouldn’t say very close friends, but I know because the only man I have eyes for is my husband.
That’s something I just know. I know myself and how I feel.
One of my best friends is a guy. Love him to pieces, and he’s very dateable and does well for himself in the dating scene. But I have zero physical attraction to him. It will always be platonic even if alcohol is involved. Just because someone is the gender you’re attracted to, doesn’t mean you’re attracted to EVERYONE in that category???
The thought of kissing them feels gross to me. Either because I’m not feeling physical attraction, or we are incompatible to the point where I have purposefully forever myself to feel unattracted to them.
I don’t really feel romantic attraction to someone, but I do feel sexual attraction and if we are compatible enough they’re best friend material and I find them hot then I ask them out, assuming they’re single, attracted to my gender, and we’re looking for the same type of relationship.
I dont wanna fuck my friends lol
zero sexual attraction. I have two very close straight male friends. I could be ovulating, drunk, naked in the bed with them and still wouldn’t make a move.
What a weird question. Just because I date men doesn’t mean I’m attracted to all of them. It’s very obvious to me when I’m attracted to someone and it’s also really obvious to me when I’m not attracted to someone. There’s no guesswork involved. The thought of having romantic feelings towards my bros is gross and not something that would even cross my mind.
Im bi so I especially like this question after having partners in the past freak tf out over me having mostly male friends. I think its hilarious because why are you freaking out over men when I am more physically attracted to women? Am I not allowed to have friends period?
We are not animals functioning soley off the instinct to breed. We have brains that can think emotionally and logically. I think my female friends are beautiful and clearly we get along, but that doesn’t mean I want to or would ever date them. I can say “yeah, so and so is a good looking dude and hes super fun!” But that doesn’t mean I want to date him. There is a clear line in my brain between friends and lovers.
Do you have siblings? Having a close friend is like having another sibling. You truly love them but the idea of being in anything remotely romantic with them is repulsive.
I’m just so in love with my husband, no one else even phases me at all. The friends I had before I met him were only friends for a reason.
I’m pan so anyone I’m friends with could count. Platonic friendships are just very obviously different.
It’s not hard for me to determine if a feeling for someone of the opposite gender is romantic or not
I can’t fuck everyone just because they have a dick. That’s how I see it. I am not attracted to them and I know how to differentiate friends vs people I am romantically interested in.
I am not sexually attracted to them
… Because I feel differently about them than I do my partner. I have no physical desire for them. With my partner, he is my best friend and I love being physically in contact with him, and more. With my guy friends I just enjoy hanging out with them, chatting with them, playing games, talking about life, but I have no desire to spend as much time as possible with them, I don’t put their life and needs above my own. I don’t have butterflies or a deep soul comfort and peace with them (not that I’m not comfortable).
I can find some of my friends attractive, but they give me no butterflies. I don’t flirt with them, and I behave exactly the same way regardless of whether my wife is there.
If I ever felt guilty about an interaction or felt the need to hide it from my wife, I would know it was a romantic attraction.
My friends are good looking dudes but most standards. They’re just not my type so I don’t see them in those ways. And I’m pretty sure those are mutual feelings🤷♀️
It takes a lot more than just gender for me to be attracted to someone. Also I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve understood that warm, close and even deep or intense feelings for a person does not mean they are romantic feelings. I’ve learned how to have very bonded intimate friendships that are not in any way sexual or romantic.
I think a lot of our culture makes us confuse relationships that don’t need to be romantic with ones that could be, and because of that we often complicate our lives more than is necessary by getting involved in behavior that the relationship is not ready for or even calling for.
I have one best guy friend that I genuinely love and don’t have any sort of romantic feelings towards him at all.
For what it’s worth, I’m also on the asexual spectrum so I don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction to anyone solely based on gender.
The idea of being intimate with them gives me the skeevies
I think I just know by how I feel around them… like I care about them a lot, but it never crosses into that “butterflies/what if” territory. It feels more like family energy than anything romantic, and I don’t get jealous if they’re with someone else
I have an FWB. I am very attracted to him physically but he is not the type that I’m romantically attracted to. He’s a wonderful person and what you see is what you get with him, whereas I am more romantically drawn to guys who have hidden layers. There is a difference and nuance between physical attraction and romantic attraction.
Having romantic feelings is super rare for me. Having sexual attraction is super rare for me. Its just not there
Being straight doesn’t mean that you find all men attractive, it means that *all people you ever found attractive, were men.*
I almost find no man attractive at all, it is very rare for me to find a man attractive. Maybe 1 out of 200?
I’m just not attracted to them sexually or romantically. They’re like siblings to me and the idea of doing anything romantic with them is repulsive. I do make a point never to befriend someone I could see myself being attracted to out of respect for the friendship and my partner, present or future.
No sexual chemistry at all. Just nothing. He’s attractive but not my type. I also don’t want to ruin my friendship with him. I’ve had it happen too much, especially my first ex who pressured me into dating him. Never again.
When I’m close to them is feel nothing. When they could’ve have a closer contact with me I asked them to take distance from me. When imagine them I picture them as brothers/cousins. None of this happens with my bff and it’s completely the opposite.
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The lack of feeling anything romantic for them is a pretty good sign.
…wtf is this question?
My best friend is a man. I am a straight woman. I know I have no romantic feelings towards him because I know what romantic feelings feel like and I don’t feel those feelings for him. I have known him for nearly 20 years. We are close friends, we love each other very much and care for each other and want the best for each other, but there has never been any romantic or sexual inclination in that love for either of us, ever. I’m our love for each other is and always has been platonic. I know it’s not there for me because I know my own feelings, and I know it’s not there for him because he is very much gay.
I have such tunnel vision when I’m in love. I truly don’t even look at other people, much less am I capable of forming feelings. When I’m in love, it’s a no brainer for me, there’s just nothing more than friendship there. However, over the course of my life, when single, I have found myself asking myself why I’m not attracted to so and so, because we get along well, and everything meshes on paper, but I can’t force feelings. It’s not often I’m attracted to someone or have feelings, but when I do, I know, it just clicks. With my current boyfriend I knew I was attracted to him within the first few messages we sent and seeing one picture. The vibe was just there.
I liked him in high school, but we saw each other at our worst lol.
He’s friends with my husband and I’m friends with his wife.
Just grew up, whenever the idea of romantic relationship came up *in high-school* we always just resorted back to our friendship was the most important. Which I’m so glad we did, he’s one of my only friends from highschool.
I’ve been out of highschool for 13 years and been with my husband for 11 for a better timeline.
I have 2 close guys friends. 1 was attracted to me but I thought he was gay when I first met him. The other one had mutual attraction but nothing came from it. Now we been friends for too long that there’s no way we’re ruining a friendship. But y’all have to make that executive decision to value the friendship over romance because if you cross that boundary, there’s no going back.
I’m bisexual. Whether I’m attracted to someone isn’t dictated by their gender. And I can still be friends with someone I’m attracted to because attraction isn’t the base line for romantic feelings. Just because I think someone is hot doesn’t mean I want to be in a relationship with them.
I’m bi and have very close friends of all genders/expressions. They are like family. I’m an only child, but I imagine the type of love I have for them is similar to that of a sibling. It’s very very distinct from the one I have for my husband.
To voice a different opinion from others here, I have a number of male friends who i am physically attracted to, but with whom I think a relationship would be a total shit show, and thus I have no romantic attraction to. I also would never do anything about the physical attraction because I would hate for sex to make the relationship weird, and frankly for most of them the physical attraction has gotten less and less and eventually disappeared as we became closer friends.
Also normally if I’m dating someone I really like, I have zero physical attraction to anyone else, including these friends.
Because you don’t simple as that
I just don’t think about it.
And even if I do, I can find someone attractive and just ignore it. I honestly don’t understand the big deal with it. I can find people attractive and still just be friendly with them
Because I know when I am not attracted to someone, what the hell. I’m not automatically attracted just because they happen to be the gender I date. This is just common sense stuff.
Why would I? Do you have sexual feelings for everyone of the gender you’re attracted to? Bc that’s insane to me.
Close friends are like family. The concept of them being a romantic option doesn’t even occur. My close friends are all attractive, smart, funny, capable people but the idea of kissing any of them makes me want to hurl.
I think when folks “fall for a friend” they always harbored a crush. And if you’re hiding a crush from someone, can you ever experience real deep friendship? You can’t access the Merry & Pippin levels of friendship if you secretly want to smooch.
Well, i dont reslly have romantic feelings towards people im attracted to that much, I feel romantic attraction on very few occassions and the feelings are very distinctive. Ive felt sexual attraction to my friends before, and at some points ive gotten the chance to act on it. Still, I think the key here is that i dont imagine myself living out a relationship, or even sexual encounters with them, even when i do feel occassional attraction towards them. I think my brain just goes: friend and keeps them there.
because u just know. most of my female friends are like sisters. (and im not into incest. ). male friends. not as many. not attracted
It’s a heart boner instead of a peepee boner.
To me the distinction between romantic and platonic feelings is clear. I can’t imagine mistaking one for the other. So I am not sure how to explain the difference to someone who struggles to differentiate.
Unlike some of the other comments I’ve read, I don’t think it’s sexual attraction. There are asexual people who have romantic feelings. I have sexual attraction toward people I’d never consider as a life partner. I don’t believe that romantic feelings are contingent on sexual ones. I suppose it’s about a certain level of respect combined with devotion.
Being attracted to a gender doesn’t mean you’re attracted to everyone of this gender.
uh… I just know I don’t😅 i don’t really know how to explain. it’s the same feeling towards my same-gender friends.
49 comments
The only one who would fall into the category of “very close” would be a guy who I grew up with that I very much see as a baby brother. I would carry him around as a baby. And our families lived together for a while so we have a very familial relationship and the idea of anything romantic happening between us makes me feel ill. It feels wrong and incest vibes.
Any other guy friend I keep at arms length because they definitely once had sexual attraction for me and I need to keep that line firm.
No sexual attraction
I’ve been attracted to people of various gender expressions but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to everyone. Think about it… if you’re straight, are you attracted to every single man? It makes no sense to assume someone would be attracted to someone based solely on their gender.
I wouldn’t say very close friends, but I know because the only man I have eyes for is my husband.
That’s something I just know. I know myself and how I feel.
One of my best friends is a guy. Love him to pieces, and he’s very dateable and does well for himself in the dating scene. But I have zero physical attraction to him. It will always be platonic even if alcohol is involved. Just because someone is the gender you’re attracted to, doesn’t mean you’re attracted to EVERYONE in that category???
The thought of kissing them feels gross to me. Either because I’m not feeling physical attraction, or we are incompatible to the point where I have purposefully forever myself to feel unattracted to them.
I don’t really feel romantic attraction to someone, but I do feel sexual attraction and if we are compatible enough they’re best friend material and I find them hot then I ask them out, assuming they’re single, attracted to my gender, and we’re looking for the same type of relationship.
I dont wanna fuck my friends lol
zero sexual attraction. I have two very close straight male friends. I could be ovulating, drunk, naked in the bed with them and still wouldn’t make a move.
What a weird question. Just because I date men doesn’t mean I’m attracted to all of them. It’s very obvious to me when I’m attracted to someone and it’s also really obvious to me when I’m not attracted to someone. There’s no guesswork involved. The thought of having romantic feelings towards my bros is gross and not something that would even cross my mind.
Im bi so I especially like this question after having partners in the past freak tf out over me having mostly male friends. I think its hilarious because why are you freaking out over men when I am more physically attracted to women? Am I not allowed to have friends period?
We are not animals functioning soley off the instinct to breed. We have brains that can think emotionally and logically. I think my female friends are beautiful and clearly we get along, but that doesn’t mean I want to or would ever date them. I can say “yeah, so and so is a good looking dude and hes super fun!” But that doesn’t mean I want to date him. There is a clear line in my brain between friends and lovers.
Do you have siblings? Having a close friend is like having another sibling. You truly love them but the idea of being in anything remotely romantic with them is repulsive.
I’m just so in love with my husband, no one else even phases me at all. The friends I had before I met him were only friends for a reason.
I’m pan so anyone I’m friends with could count. Platonic friendships are just very obviously different.
It’s not hard for me to determine if a feeling for someone of the opposite gender is romantic or not
I can’t fuck everyone just because they have a dick. That’s how I see it. I am not attracted to them and I know how to differentiate friends vs people I am romantically interested in.
I am not sexually attracted to them
… Because I feel differently about them than I do my partner. I have no physical desire for them. With my partner, he is my best friend and I love being physically in contact with him, and more. With my guy friends I just enjoy hanging out with them, chatting with them, playing games, talking about life, but I have no desire to spend as much time as possible with them, I don’t put their life and needs above my own. I don’t have butterflies or a deep soul comfort and peace with them (not that I’m not comfortable).
I can find some of my friends attractive, but they give me no butterflies. I don’t flirt with them, and I behave exactly the same way regardless of whether my wife is there.
If I ever felt guilty about an interaction or felt the need to hide it from my wife, I would know it was a romantic attraction.
My friends are good looking dudes but most standards. They’re just not my type so I don’t see them in those ways. And I’m pretty sure those are mutual feelings🤷♀️
It takes a lot more than just gender for me to be attracted to someone. Also I think as I’ve gotten older, I’ve understood that warm, close and even deep or intense feelings for a person does not mean they are romantic feelings. I’ve learned how to have very bonded intimate friendships that are not in any way sexual or romantic.
I think a lot of our culture makes us confuse relationships that don’t need to be romantic with ones that could be, and because of that we often complicate our lives more than is necessary by getting involved in behavior that the relationship is not ready for or even calling for.
I have one best guy friend that I genuinely love and don’t have any sort of romantic feelings towards him at all.
For what it’s worth, I’m also on the asexual spectrum so I don’t experience romantic or sexual attraction to anyone solely based on gender.
The idea of being intimate with them gives me the skeevies
I think I just know by how I feel around them… like I care about them a lot, but it never crosses into that “butterflies/what if” territory. It feels more like family energy than anything romantic, and I don’t get jealous if they’re with someone else
I have an FWB. I am very attracted to him physically but he is not the type that I’m romantically attracted to. He’s a wonderful person and what you see is what you get with him, whereas I am more romantically drawn to guys who have hidden layers. There is a difference and nuance between physical attraction and romantic attraction.
Having romantic feelings is super rare for me. Having sexual attraction is super rare for me. Its just not there
Being straight doesn’t mean that you find all men attractive, it means that *all people you ever found attractive, were men.*
I almost find no man attractive at all, it is very rare for me to find a man attractive. Maybe 1 out of 200?
I’m just not attracted to them sexually or romantically. They’re like siblings to me and the idea of doing anything romantic with them is repulsive. I do make a point never to befriend someone I could see myself being attracted to out of respect for the friendship and my partner, present or future.
No sexual chemistry at all. Just nothing. He’s attractive but not my type. I also don’t want to ruin my friendship with him. I’ve had it happen too much, especially my first ex who pressured me into dating him. Never again.
When I’m close to them is feel nothing. When they could’ve have a closer contact with me I asked them to take distance from me. When imagine them I picture them as brothers/cousins. None of this happens with my bff and it’s completely the opposite.
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The lack of feeling anything romantic for them is a pretty good sign.
…wtf is this question?
My best friend is a man. I am a straight woman. I know I have no romantic feelings towards him because I know what romantic feelings feel like and I don’t feel those feelings for him. I have known him for nearly 20 years. We are close friends, we love each other very much and care for each other and want the best for each other, but there has never been any romantic or sexual inclination in that love for either of us, ever. I’m our love for each other is and always has been platonic. I know it’s not there for me because I know my own feelings, and I know it’s not there for him because he is very much gay.
I have such tunnel vision when I’m in love. I truly don’t even look at other people, much less am I capable of forming feelings. When I’m in love, it’s a no brainer for me, there’s just nothing more than friendship there. However, over the course of my life, when single, I have found myself asking myself why I’m not attracted to so and so, because we get along well, and everything meshes on paper, but I can’t force feelings. It’s not often I’m attracted to someone or have feelings, but when I do, I know, it just clicks. With my current boyfriend I knew I was attracted to him within the first few messages we sent and seeing one picture. The vibe was just there.
I liked him in high school, but we saw each other at our worst lol.
He’s friends with my husband and I’m friends with his wife.
Just grew up, whenever the idea of romantic relationship came up *in high-school* we always just resorted back to our friendship was the most important. Which I’m so glad we did, he’s one of my only friends from highschool.
I’ve been out of highschool for 13 years and been with my husband for 11 for a better timeline.
I have 2 close guys friends. 1 was attracted to me but I thought he was gay when I first met him. The other one had mutual attraction but nothing came from it. Now we been friends for too long that there’s no way we’re ruining a friendship. But y’all have to make that executive decision to value the friendship over romance because if you cross that boundary, there’s no going back.
I’m bisexual. Whether I’m attracted to someone isn’t dictated by their gender. And I can still be friends with someone I’m attracted to because attraction isn’t the base line for romantic feelings. Just because I think someone is hot doesn’t mean I want to be in a relationship with them.
I’m bi and have very close friends of all genders/expressions. They are like family. I’m an only child, but I imagine the type of love I have for them is similar to that of a sibling. It’s very very distinct from the one I have for my husband.
To voice a different opinion from others here, I have a number of male friends who i am physically attracted to, but with whom I think a relationship would be a total shit show, and thus I have no romantic attraction to. I also would never do anything about the physical attraction because I would hate for sex to make the relationship weird, and frankly for most of them the physical attraction has gotten less and less and eventually disappeared as we became closer friends.
Also normally if I’m dating someone I really like, I have zero physical attraction to anyone else, including these friends.
Because you don’t simple as that
I just don’t think about it.
And even if I do, I can find someone attractive and just ignore it. I honestly don’t understand the big deal with it. I can find people attractive and still just be friendly with them
Because I know when I am not attracted to someone, what the hell. I’m not automatically attracted just because they happen to be the gender I date. This is just common sense stuff.
Why would I? Do you have sexual feelings for everyone of the gender you’re attracted to? Bc that’s insane to me.
Close friends are like family. The concept of them being a romantic option doesn’t even occur. My close friends are all attractive, smart, funny, capable people but the idea of kissing any of them makes me want to hurl.
I think when folks “fall for a friend” they always harbored a crush. And if you’re hiding a crush from someone, can you ever experience real deep friendship? You can’t access the Merry & Pippin levels of friendship if you secretly want to smooch.
Well, i dont reslly have romantic feelings towards people im attracted to that much, I feel romantic attraction on very few occassions and the feelings are very distinctive. Ive felt sexual attraction to my friends before, and at some points ive gotten the chance to act on it. Still, I think the key here is that i dont imagine myself living out a relationship, or even sexual encounters with them, even when i do feel occassional attraction towards them. I think my brain just goes: friend and keeps them there.
because u just know. most of my female friends are like sisters. (and im not into incest. ). male friends. not as many. not attracted
It’s a heart boner instead of a peepee boner.
To me the distinction between romantic and platonic feelings is clear. I can’t imagine mistaking one for the other. So I am not sure how to explain the difference to someone who struggles to differentiate.
Unlike some of the other comments I’ve read, I don’t think it’s sexual attraction. There are asexual people who have romantic feelings. I have sexual attraction toward people I’d never consider as a life partner. I don’t believe that romantic feelings are contingent on sexual ones. I suppose it’s about a certain level of respect combined with devotion.
Being attracted to a gender doesn’t mean you’re attracted to everyone of this gender.
uh… I just know I don’t😅 i don’t really know how to explain. it’s the same feeling towards my same-gender friends.