I’m 26F and work in a leadership position in sales. I started my apprenticeship at 19 and have been at the same company ever since. I’ve been promoted a few times and I’d say I flourish at work and do very well at my job.
But outside of work, my life has become a strict routine, work, gym, eat, sleep and repeat. A few years ago, I used to travel regularly, party with my girl friends and was a social butterfly. Now I unintentionally isolate myself, especially after work. I still vacation once or twice a year with friends but once I’m back, it’s back to grinding and everything revolves around my standard routine. Going out after work only happens once in a while, but not enough to satisfy my needs.
I’m pretty sure my anxiety stems from my job. Like the pressure and toxic environment really get to me at times and I feel burnt the fuck out. My bosses are toxic. That’s another thing. They put an immense amount of pressure on numbers and sales quotas, that I am 97% sure my nervousness is a byproduct from my job and I feel on edge a lot of the time. But hey, that’s sales for you! However, I do well with clients but in private social situations I completely freeze up. Changing jobs is a plan in the future but not something I want to touch up too much right now.
I sometimes even drive an hour to a quiet women’s gym just so I don’t have to deal with the crowded one 10 minutes from my house. If I do go to the closer one, I feel so jittery and on edge. When I’m at that gym I can bet on a few people trying to socialise cause it happens every time and I end up feeling overstimulated. And while I know this is good and healthy for my brain, I just can’t put myself out there anymore like I used to.
One time a guy made eye contact and smiled at me, my heart was racing and I couldn’t look back. I felt my face flush and my mind going in panic mode to move out of his way. This does not have anything to do with dating btw, just random, boring social interactions that I cannot function around normally.
Talking about dating, I’ve basically stopped doing it since my late teens, only casual stuff cause I’m not good at meaningful, deep relationships. And I hate how my anxiety has boxed me in. Even when I hang out with specific people, I feel like I can’t function like a normal human being and I feel like I behave like a robot at times. Preplanned convos and reacting in a socially expected way.
Has anyone else gone through something like this?? How did you rebuild your social confidence while working a stressful job? Maybe it’s not even the job.. it could just be me.