Hi , as the title says, I am a 22M who never had a "close friend," "childhood friend," bla bla bla . I had friends, but they were just friends for a brief period of time, or better to say, I was friends with them for a brief period of time .I don't blame them ,because if you hear the later parts you would also agree with me that the problem is with me .
Let me start from the beginning, I used to be very talkative as a kid but very shy by nature,my school teachers would very often call my parent(mom) and complain about me being talkitive ,back then I had 2 friends ,but as we passed the nursery they developed new friendships ,and I also developed some and ultimately we didn't keep in touch .After passing Standard 4 ,I started to reserve myself, and shyness expanded ,In standard 4, I had a very close friend ,our friendship again ended when he developed new friends the next standard . This process of short-term friends continued as I grew up. Along with that, I developed a few flaws ,I developed EGO, INACTIVITY , and TALKATIVE boy can't SPEAK with others anyone fluently .
My EGO played a vital part ,it taught me how to stay ALONE HAPPILY ,but It also distanced me from VITAL relations.
After Class 10 ,I became very weird .I developed a tendency to talk in a manner that might feel like "Pintching " to others .And when I see ,I am ignored ,insulted ,or any quarrels happen between me and my friends .My ego stops me from showing maturity and fixing the issue ,or be casual about it. My ego stops me from taking the lead and initiating a mature conversation!
At the end of the day, I know ,when I would be DEAD ,there would be no one at my funeral except my Family.And that hurts the most .
Feel free to give and valuable suggestion😔