Not by choice, anyways, what's the next step?
I know not to text/call her, basically act like she's dead. Start working out. Quit alcohol for a bit start going to the gym. Start searching for a job that isn't 12-14 hour days that makes me a miserable human, start building a real social life.
Besides that, what's next and what helped you guys? I'm not gonna sit here and cry about what's done or have hope, because I'm well aware it's over.
So, what next guys?
46 comments
If working long hours is getting you ahead in life.
Why would you change that because one woman didn’t like it?
Not to be assigning blame but do you work a lot of hours? I’ve been there. Stressed out with work and dealing with a partner who was unsympathetic. Could have handled that better but she saw me looking at roles that would have been easier going but paid a little less and got really sour.
The answers to these problems is to find the things that make you feel more content. If you feel the job is a problem, scale back your hours if possible or find something else. Deal with stress better (there’s the exercise thing).
You will be okay.
You can work a lot of hours and enjoy life.
Suggestion would be to date a girl with horse(s) or a musician.
The relationship doesn’t have to be the no. 1 priority in life if you enjoy other things.
You’re talking about doing, doing, doing, but how do you feel about the breakup?
You kind of answered your own question. Start working on yourself and the right one will come along.
what’s the job?
you’ll be fine, life has its seasons. 12-14 hr days doesnt leave you time to do much else. Get rid of that, then work on yourself, and forget these hoes. Its a minor setback for a major comeback playa, you got this.
I love how the advice is pretty much still hit the gym/delete Facebook.
Don’t let these females knock you off your pivot. Earn as much as you can. If you lose a woman here and there so be it. Your future self will appreciate it. Work out and INVEST EVERYTHING in you.
Where you working all these ours when she met you?
I’m married to a woman who works wild hours (physician, she probably averages 10 hours a day on weekdays with a few hours each weekend.)
One either needs to *accept* it or one needs to not accept it. That’s all there is to it. I accept it.
Similarly, she accepts that I’ll be on 12-20 business trips a year every year until I retire.
There will be people you can date who will be fine with it. You can’t change people’s wants and needs, only find people whose Venn diagrams overlap enough with yours to make it work.
Just depends how much you want a relationship. If you like you’re job then cool, but if you don’t want to be alone and you aspire to have a family of your own but the job is gonna hold you back from making that happen then…yeah find a different one.
Can’t really blame someone for not wanting to be with someone who’s barely available though.
I liked to take walks post breakup. Semi-secluded and at a time where I can cry if I need to. Usually things and thoughts come to the surface and I can feel them. Also helps me get perspective on what I needed to change for the better.
Figure out if this was something you need to change/fix or if it was a compatibility issue between you two.
Do the self improvement stuff but also reflect on the fact that you could have changed your lifestyle at any time in order to accommodate your SO.
It’s really important to internalize that, especially if you don’t want to be in a similar situation a few years down the road.
Use the extra money to stunt on these heauxs brother🤣
My only advice is don’t work your life away, if your investing in your own company that will have pay backs that one thing but no job is worth mental health (relationships, self care, social life, or whatever) that job won’t be there for you back why give them your best years?
Again if you’re pulling bank and can retire at 30/40/50 and that’s a game plan but don’t work those hours without a reason, you’ll miss too much of life.
As for what’s next just live your life man and do things you enjoy and work to improve yourself, and you will meet folks who share your interests and then you have common ground with the next person when you have the time to invest in a relationship. In the in between situation-ships, fwb, or whatever is your vibe live it up.
Married for 14 years than divorced in my mid 30’s after working too much. I used to travel to China every 2 weeks from Canada for factory audits, and supply chain management. I almost committed suicide, until I got a call from a friend.
I met a hippy chick that had me eating a variety of mushrooms. It led me to learn to fire dance, breathe fire and juggle. I partied on nude beach’s under the full moon dancing around a bon fire. I partied at underground raves and in the forest. It led me to a bdsm club, it was an experience, but not really my thing. I got into the best shape of my life. I lived in the back of my truck and a tow along trailer. I worked in film, I worked as a commercial prawn fisherman and I did any job that sounded interesting. I lived at a spiritual retreat center where I farmed, did yoga, meditated and ran through the forest howling like a wolf completely naked.
Now I’m back to working a corporate job with a stable life. It’s kind of boring I miss those wild days even if I broke down often, crying in self misery.
Please take time to sit with how you feel.
Are your hours an issue to you? Depending on your profession, you just need to date people who work similar schedules. Its definitely doable but thats when or even _IF_ you want.
I think its time to figure out what you want. Outside of a partner, what do you want out of life? Go get it.
Do you like your work? If so find a girl who does too.
I work a lot but I really enjoy it and they pay me well. I made sure to look for a woman who cared a lot about her career as well. Still requires lots of work to figure out who does what and who will take time away from work for activities etc. Raising kids is the same deal. But we are aligned on what’s important to us.
Or go the other way and find one that doesn’t want to work and is fine with whatever it takes for her to be able to stay home and run that side.
Find a quiet spot out in nature.
Take a notepad. Leave all devices behind.
Ask yourself:
– why did this happen
– how does this make me feel
– now who do I want to be
That should get you on the right path, friend.
Stay at your current job, earn money, think of options to invest and make the money work for you.
Basically, give porpuse to your current situation so you can have a better life eventually.
Better than if she broke up with you because you didn’t work enough. Focus on the bag
Yeah those are some disgusting working hours, Im totally with her on that one. With those hours you practically have no time at all for her or any other stuff that would resemble a glimpse of a work life balance.
Find yourself interesting. A way to check is to have a conversation with yourself as if you were hanging out for the first time… do you have an interesting hobby? A cause you’re passionate about? Interesting viewpoints? Funny jokes? If not, get into a non work thing you enjoy. It will make getting business connections and new friends (including girlfriends) a little easier. — plus you’ll have a thing you’re into.
I think you’ve listed the main stuff to start with. That and throw some therapy in there weekly for awhile if you’re not already doing it. Self interrogation can be a lot more productive with some professional prompting.
I worked a brutal schedule from about 18 to 29. I pretty much swore off having a relationship until I switched to more normal hours. It worked for me, but I don’t know that it’s good advice.
>I know not to text/call her, basically act like she’s dead.
Um, that was probably what got you dumped.
Just work on yourself bud but also unless you have the time to contribute to a relationship don’t commit to one save yourself the heartache unless you find one that understands your schedule
First step is take accountability. You didn’t get broken up because you work too many hours. You got broken up with because when you get off work, you choose to drink instead of spending quality time with her. You choose to be miserable, and instead of doing something to make you less miserable, you drink and are a miserable person. You are caught in a vicious cycle.
Just keeping putting one foot in front of the other my friend.
It’s always the same ‘ol advice, which is all great and you covered, but in reality, it’s only time that’s going to get you eventually over it.
Facebook and Instagram gotta go. They should stay gone. Gym and improve your work situation. 12-14 hour days are dogshit. Especially if those hours dont amount to a six figure income. Do not get back together with this girl. You were dumped for working hard and being responsible regardless of the shit hours this chick left you for handling your business. Never forget that.
Unironically, call your mum.
I wouldn’t immediately knock down crying. It hits sometimes
Look here man i dont know how old you are but there is nothing wrong with working a lot. Neglecting family is one thing but women who tend to want a successful man are going to be with one they dont see all the time. It is what it is. Bills gotta be paid and family has to be provided for. And if she wants a boo at home then she should find that but sometimes a mans gotta grind it out to get to a place to be at home more often. Sounds like she cant weather the storm. Also you need to be re assuring in times like this to your significant other that its only temporary. Etc . Im sorry. Shes not the one.
Yeah, I can understand her side of why she broke up with you.
If I never say my lady for months on end because all they did was work I would probably brek up with her unlessnit was temporary
My first ex wife left me when I started my career path and couldn’t go out partying 5 nights a week.
My second ex wife said I was a work-a-holic and cheated on me until I filed for divorce. But my work ethic was part of the reason she started going out with me.
Through it all I never thought about quitting my good paying job. Now I’m in management and work even harder than before. My current wife hates the hours but she works hard too and understands sacrifices.
As a side note, my first ex wife died alone and broke and my second ex wife is living in a shack in a mud farm in Missouri with her 5th husband and like 9 kids. I was able to buy a house.
I’m glad I chose my job over my exes.
What do you do for work? Trades?
Ha! My wife left me because I was a Marine. Didn’t make much money. I was in great shape. Didn’t drink or do anything illegal. I just worked crazy long hours and got deployed a lot. You do you. The right woman will find you. Make yourself happy.
Self-care, whatever that means to you. Also an outlet to sort what you went through, the way you wrote seem very poignant but some stuff requires time and space
Hang with the boys. Get back into your hobbies. Find new hobbies. Live life.
What’s next? Depends what you want. What do you want?
You can look for a girl that either also works long hours or look for a girl who likes not having you around. My suggestion is the former.
Are you over 30 or younger than 30 and just asking for advice from us old guys? The reason I ask is that in your 20’s you are new to the business world and tend to work a lot of hours as a result. You don’t have experience to bring to the table so you compensate by working a ton of hours. The women I dated in my 20’s understood that. At some point you gain enough experience/get promoted to the point that you don’t need to work as many hours. That could be in your 30’s.
At the end of the day it’s a balancing act. You have to decide how you want to spend your time. Also, don’t go too far down the rabbit hole in thinking that women just want a guy with a gym body. Time and again you read everywhere that that’s far down the list for most women. Confidence without cockiness, a sense of humor, having your shit together, emotional maturity, not being controlling and empathy tend to be mentioned as being much more important.
You answered your own question.
Other than that YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT that it’s over and go through the emotions. Process them and then learn from this experience (and what to do next time).
That’s it.
I’ve been dumped for that same reason. Women love the money and status that come with working long hours but they want you to somehow magically be available whenever they want you to hang out
The best thing you can do for yourself is work to the level that you feel is appropriate and the women will take care of themselves