Edit: "…not made for talking OR i'm just that boring" Sorry for the spelling error :')
I only enjoy having long and rather deep talks about whatever subject i am interested in.
The problem is that i don't have any small talk skills that would lead to those kinds of deep conversations later on.
I've read about icebreaker topics or open-ended questions but it feels so cliche or boring that i feel it really wouldn't start a conversation or ,to be more harsh ,"i m not actually interested how was your day except if you're very close to me" kind of mentality.
And even if i have the luck to start one with a stranger , 9/10 times it's me just listening to them and hope for that this conversation will end and just leave.
It feels so weird that i want to talk to people but when given the chance i want to quit.
Even more so that the more i try to talk to people the more alienated i feel."Am i weird?","Am i saying the wrong thing?","Am i too direct?".
Even when being drunk ,where it's supposed to reduce your inhibitions and actually talk,it VERY RARELY happens that.
And it's not like i'm very social with my friends either.In every friend group i'm the more silent one.And i genuinelly have NOTHING in my mind to talk about,and whenever i have something i kind of get ignored since my friends got used to the idea that i don't talk.
Maybe i'm actually not built for making new friendships let alone maintining them