So we had been texting and we both texted that we see ourselves as cuddly and romantic etc. I love to cuddle with the person I like.

So today we had our first date. Shorty before we meet I texted him that I don’t hug when I first met a guy and that I will shake his hand because I’m more comfortable with that.

So when I meet him I can sense a little attitude but I try to be positive. I talk a lot and laugh and it feels like he the date will go well.

We order a sandwich each and he backs away from the register so he doesn’t have to pay for mine. That’s okey. It was a little embarrassing thought…

Any way, the first thing he tells me is that he is surprised I call my self a cuddly person since I didn’t want to hug him, he wonders if I have dated many men before, says I’m a reserved person and that it’s the first time a woman doesn’t want to hug him on a first date. He then calls me a prude. That made me upset and he tried to convince me that prude is not a negative word and I feel it’s negative because I have negative experience from the word. I got so annoyed that I showed him the definition of prude in the dictionary. He still didn’t agree that it’s an insult. I then ended the date.

Guys what do you think about this weird date? I’m on my way home now and I’m a little chocked. We are both in our late 30’s.


28 comments

  3. Fair game! Not sure it required a dissertation on reddit for your reasoning, but I’m from the understanding that during dating, any single thing one finds as a dealbreaker, is! So go forward and keep dating and keep learning, of yourself and of others!!

  5. Some people just don’t like physical touch unless they have had a chance to get to know the person trying to physically touch them. Sounds like the man needs a lesson in personal boundaries.

  6. It seems like he got hung up on not getting a hug – presumably at the start of the date? – which is a silly thing to get hung up on.

    You probably could have let the prude comment slide / laughed it off & saw how the rest of the date played out vs abruptly ending it. I’ve never ended, or had someone end, a date abruptly though. Even if there is an awkward moment, I generally give people the benefit of the doubt; and take a wait and see approach since first dates can be nerve-racking for some people. But everyone’s different.

    I probably would have paid for both sandwiches… I’m assuming these aren’t some extravagant super fancy gold leafed sandwiches; so I wouldn’t stress paying for my date’s sandwich. But people have different views on who pays for a first date, I don’t know.

    Either way, it’s a first date. I’m sure there’s something you can take away from it / learn from it. There’s no point stressing it now though. What’s happened, happened.

  7. This is the dumbest thing ever. Just because you like something it doesn’t mean you enjoy it with a stranger.

    He was just trying to neg and pressure you to push your boundaries. You should be very proud of yourself for standing firm and leaving early. He wasn’t worthy of your time.

  8. Late 30’s and he’s pissy because he couldn’t take no as an answer? Definitely a loser, you dodged a bullet hun.

  9. You did the right thing, you’re not obliged to hug a stranger you’ve only met for a few seconds at the beginning of a date.

    Just out of interest.. How did he react when you ended the date?

  10. “I can be a cuddly person with people I know and still want to keep physical distance from strangers I’m still getting to know. I’ve decided your not worth getting to know”

    -Me a few years back when someone said I was a prude for not wanting to cuddle in a movie theater

  11. I don’t hug on dates unless they want to but a hand shake just sounds like a business transaction.

  12. The bit about trying to convince you he wasnt being mean by calling you a prude when he obviously was using it as an insult is gaslighting.

  13. He was trying to bully you and shame you into more physical touch than you were ready for.

    It was not going to get better.

  14. “it’s the first time a woman doesn’t want to hug him on a first date” yes, I agree with you ending date 100%, hearing this I’d leave immediately

    on top of that, affectionate gestures like this should not be forced 🙁

  15. The moment when he started talking about being cuddly in the conversation prior to meeting, is code for sex. He was only looking for that, you dodged a bullet.

  16. I think the majority of people would see proof as a very negative word. The fact that he wanted to argue with you over what it meant to you and why was a major red flag to me.
    I also personally see no issue in being a cuddly person, but not wanting to hug a person on a first date, especially at the beginning. I don’t even personally like handshakes. His reaction to you not wanting to give him a hug first thing, especially comparing you to others would be enough for me to wanna end the date right there.

  17. Good move on your part. He’s manipulative he is showing that he doesn’t respect boundaries. What would happen if you didn’t want to sleep with him and he calls you a prude and tries to coerce his want into your pants? Yes dudes a weirdo and a slimy loser. You made the right decision, always listen to your intuition

  18. Sounds like he equates cuddly with sexual which is weird. I’m sorry you had to deal with this smuck but you dodged a bullet

  21. I’m a person who loves to cuddle but I don’t hug men I don’t know. Him calling you a prude is an insult. In the words of Ariana grande thank you, next

  22. You can be cuddly and still have boundaries with PDA. I hate doing PDA in public, but behind closed doors? I’m like a cat. Give me head pats and attention. I tell that to all partners, if they don’t like it-then leave.

  24. What a sassy pickle dick. Sweets, you dodged a major bullet. Wanting to shake hands with a man on a first date is a very lady like thing to do and you are NOT a prude for that. You established boundaries. He shamed them. He can suffer in singleness.

  27. You did what I often advise for a first date. Set a small boundary and see how they react. If they can’t respect a small boundary when they are on good behavior they definitely won’t respect bigger ones later on.
    Just because someone says they like to cuddle it does not mean they want to right away with anyone. There has to be trust and comfort there.

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