How can guys come off as non-threatening in helping women escape being harassed?
September 8, 2025
How can guys come off as non-threatening in helping women escape being harassed?
10 comments
I suggest finding a female friend that knows both of us and having her take the lead, with me as silent backup (getting food, checking out information, driving to a neutral spot where a safe house vehicle can pick them up). Just being a guy will cause at least some anxiety and maybe even trigger a bad reaction. The goal is getting the abuse survivor (and kids/pets, if any), to safety as quickly and quietly as possible
Like if you see a girl being harassed in public and she’s alone?
Say something like “hey sis, everyone is waiting for you, they sent me to come find you.” Get between her and the man/men harassing her then walk with her to some place out of their sight that she feels safe.
In what situation and context? The easiest way to help without being threatening most of the time is to make sure you aren’t escalating the situation and provide a safe exit. If you seem like you are escalating the situation to become more violent and more of a problem, then that’s not good.
In public? You could engage the harasser with a distraction. Ask for directions or something irrelevant that gives you a chance to stand between him and the woman he is harassing.
Best way is to read the room approach calmly, keep your distance, and don’t center yourself. Sometimes just making eye contact with her and asking ‘Are you okay?’ or giving her an easy out like. Hey, your friend’s looking for you, works wonders. The goal is to give her control, not play the hero
Don’t do the performative tough guy thing. Be calm and offer her a way to get out of the situation. Throwing hands just makes the whole thing worse.
Do not adress the woman but the harasser. Even if you are speaking to the woman, look at the harasser.
Always best to engage the harasser, just approach calmly and engage the guy in conversation. Could be as simple as “Hey! Do I know you?”.
My 88 year old dad just leaned into a man who was harassing my sister in a MacDonalds vestibule. Just leaned on in and pressed the man against the wall. ‘Off you go my dear’…. totally unexpected. Distract, smile, joke, be prepared. We thank you for the assistance, even if we’re scared and look mad at you.
I think it depends on the situation.
I don’t like that many say to approach the harasser and not the woman.
If I am in the club or train or whatever and am being harassed, I’d like to look into a friendly face where I actually get the hint I’m being helped. If he just talks to the man, I might think they know each other. And asking for directions etc, I’d be worried for the safety of my helper.
I think I’d prefer an “Heeeyy what are you doing here? Haven’t seen you since high school/ Becca’s party/ Toms wedding/ etc! Come sit with me over there and catch up!”
10 comments
I suggest finding a female friend that knows both of us and having her take the lead, with me as silent backup (getting food, checking out information, driving to a neutral spot where a safe house vehicle can pick them up). Just being a guy will cause at least some anxiety and maybe even trigger a bad reaction. The goal is getting the abuse survivor (and kids/pets, if any), to safety as quickly and quietly as possible
Like if you see a girl being harassed in public and she’s alone?
Say something like “hey sis, everyone is waiting for you, they sent me to come find you.” Get between her and the man/men harassing her then walk with her to some place out of their sight that she feels safe.
In what situation and context? The easiest way to help without being threatening most of the time is to make sure you aren’t escalating the situation and provide a safe exit. If you seem like you are escalating the situation to become more violent and more of a problem, then that’s not good.
In public? You could engage the harasser with a distraction. Ask for directions or something irrelevant that gives you a chance to stand between him and the woman he is harassing.
Best way is to read the room approach calmly, keep your distance, and don’t center yourself. Sometimes just making eye contact with her and asking ‘Are you okay?’ or giving her an easy out like. Hey, your friend’s looking for you, works wonders. The goal is to give her control, not play the hero
Don’t do the performative tough guy thing. Be calm and offer her a way to get out of the situation. Throwing hands just makes the whole thing worse.
Do not adress the woman but the harasser. Even if you are speaking to the woman, look at the harasser.
Always best to engage the harasser, just approach calmly and engage the guy in conversation. Could be as simple as “Hey! Do I know you?”.
My 88 year old dad just leaned into a man who was harassing my sister in a MacDonalds vestibule. Just leaned on in and pressed the man against the wall. ‘Off you go my dear’…. totally unexpected. Distract, smile, joke, be prepared. We thank you for the assistance, even if we’re scared and look mad at you.
I think it depends on the situation.
I don’t like that many say to approach the harasser and not the woman.
If I am in the club or train or whatever and am being harassed, I’d like to look into a friendly face where I actually get the hint I’m being helped. If he just talks to the man, I might think they know each other. And asking for directions etc, I’d be worried for the safety of my helper.
I think I’d prefer an “Heeeyy what are you doing here? Haven’t seen you since high school/ Becca’s party/ Toms wedding/ etc! Come sit with me over there and catch up!”