We used to be close friends but she’s done a lot that I don’t want to be a close friend to her anymore, just friends who catch up once a while.
I’ve been gradually decreasing our hangouts, replying less, replying slower.
But how do I reply or let her know that I want to hangout with her less or not often in a nice manner without being rude (I don’t want to cut her off and I don’t hate her). Like if she asks about the distance. And also because I hang out with other friends as well which she knows about.
Is something like, “I like our distant hangouts” enough?
3 comments
You gotta be ready for she asked why so…. Why?
Gosh, this is tricky. I feel like it’s essential to be both clear but kind. For me, the first example that comes to mind is this:
“Hey friend, I appreciate our time together and I’d like to continue chatting and visiting but it’s become increasingly important to also expand my social circle. So I’ll start seeing other folks more to do that. I still want to be your friend, and this is a reflection of my new needs, not a reflection of you, but I might not be as accessible as I was.”
Do you think your friend would be receptive and maybe even reciprocate some of that clarity and kindness? For example:
“Wow, uh, thanks for letting me know. I appreciate you sharing this versus ghosting me. I’d still like to see you as well. Do you have an idea of how accessible you’ll be going forward? Like once a month? Once every few months?”
Maybe you’ll both gain something, like an understanding of what you two want from each other and can proceed from there. I don’t know.
K, so, there’s really no “kind” way to say this lol. When you’re rejecting someone, that action speaks way louder in my experience than any “nice” thing ive tried to say to make them feel ok about it.
Though imo, being straight forward is nicer than ghosting. I disagree with the round about “im expanding my social circle” bit. It doesnt address the problem and might delay an issue.
I think, if she really bothered you that much, why are you so stressed about keeping her in your life, especially if you have other friends? Do you feel obligated to?
Maybe you could address the concerns that bother you about her, like about her not even noticing you talked about fam passing away, and if she reacts cool about it, maybe it’ll bring you closer, or more likely, since ppl dont change on a dime, it’ll reveal you dont need to be too stressed about losing her, but will have felt good you opened up to a friend who maybe wasnt worth keeping if you find you cant be open.