Some context: me (27M) and my ex (27F) broke up just over a year ago. It was an amicable and somewhat mutal split — started by me, mainly because I wanted to take things to the next level and she wasn't sure of what she wanted. We had dated for several years.
We saw each other these last few days while at some functions with mutal friends — we spent pretty much the entire time off on our own talking with each other.
It was fucking electric. It only took us five minutes of chatting before it was like we hadn't ever spent a moment apart.
I thought back on the dozens and dozens of dates I'd been on since we split. I don't think I have better chemistry with anyone else on the planet. While I understand there's a bias since we know each other so well — I think she might be the only person alive who genuinely understands me.
She has a new boyfriend (I'm still single, but in about four different situationships right now), but from everything I've heard (directly from her and our friends — more detail below!) it seems like she's already got her feet out the door on that one. When they first started dating, we were still hooking up and spending quite a bit of time together despite being broken up. As far as I'm aware, he doesn't know this. The meetups/hookups stopped last October.
She told me she's sorry I never got to enjoy the best version of herself. Since we've broken up she's gotten a lot more confident, self-reliant, decisive, and grown as a person significantly. I'd say I have too in similar ways, but maybe just not as much.
She said she'd been looking forward to seeing me all week. She told me that she really wanted me back in her life. She kept telling me how much she had missed me.
We talked a bit about her new boyfriend: she was complaining a bit how he'd never integrate in with our (mostly her) friends. I responded with something like "well, you like him right? That's the most important part." She simply responded with "ehhh, he's fine".
She kept glancing her hand on my waist while we were standing outside the pub. She stood closer to me than I would with anyone who was just a friend. Our friends kept making comments about how we were going to go home together (we nearly did, to be fair, but nothing happened in the end).
I walked her part of her way home one of the nights, and we kept delaying leaving each other because I don't think either of us wanted to leave. She must've hugged me about 10+ different times. Long, full on ones. None of that one-armed friendly stuff.
One of my mates told me that they'd asked my ex about what was going on between us. My ex apparently responded "I can't help myself!"
Other friends scolded us separately: "you two were making fucking goo-goo eyes at each other and being in your own world all night! We were afraid this would happen!"
My ex and I are now making plans to hang out again soon, messaging, sending each other music, etc. — talking like we'd never even broken up.
And here I thought I'd moved on. Sike, I guess. Now she's completely taken over my mind again. I thought I'd be able to just be friends with her, but I've come to the conclusion that it has to be all or nothing — we either need to be together, or back to no-contact.
I want to ask her for us to get back together again. The feelings seem to be definitely still there for both of us. The world is going to shit, we both are (or at least seem) unhappy with other people — so why shouldn't we just choose to try again to be happy together? Clean slate. Start over.
I've been spending all this time looking for "my person", and it seems that we'd already been together for ages. Seems like we also might've needed some time apart to grow into better versions of ourselves.
Thing is, where the hell do I go from here?! How do I even bring this up?
Not to mention that I feel terrible for the new boyfriend — if I were him and heard this was all happening, my mental alarm bells would be firing on all cylinders and ringing so loud.
Fuck! What would you do in this situation?