We were together 15 months, we adore each other but life kicked us both down and he disappeared into himself whilst I spiralled with ill health and stress. We talked about it and he ended it as he was hurting me with being so disconnected. It ripped me apart.
We spoke since and decided we weren't done and will see how things play out in the future when life settles.
We speak daily, briefly and casually but he's there.
But the dreams- I keep dreaming of someone new, someone who absolutely adores me, my person and I'm happy.. I think I'm grieving him and I'm lonely but when I wake up with the dream still lingering and realise I'm alone I'm crushed.
I can't stand the thought of meeting someone new or downloading a dating app so I know I'm not ready to move on but being alone is hard. We were building up our family and it's gone. I also know if I downloaded an app and he knew of it then it'd crush him.
I cried for my mum today, I'm 41 and cried for a hug but she's gone. I have no idea what to do with being this alone.