Hi, I I just turned 26 years old recently and my father who I haven't seen in 20 years congratulated me on my birthday. A little backstory, I live in Iceland and my father back in the 90's was stationed in Keflavík when he was in the navy, I don't have any memories of him or anything.
When I was 19 I decided I wanted to get to know him so I found his number on Whitepages by searching up his address, it was really nice finally hearing his voice for the first time and we decided we should spend christmas together but he "unsurprisingly" flaked at the last moment but I've kept his number saved just because.
Recently he congratulated me on my birthday and it evoked a very strange emotion within me, I asked him what he wanted by getting to know me and he said he just wanted to be there for me in the way that he could, and that I need to learn to let someone love me. His message was somewhat uncalled for but he wasn't wrong in a sense.
I don't necessarily care for him, definitely not as much as I did when I was a kid. A lot of sleepless nights spent crying for him and wanting him in my life… But I'm 26 years old, I'm an adult, I learned to ride a bike without him, learned to drive without him, had my first kiss and he was never around to give me that fatherly advice. I'm very lucky to have a good head on my shoulders and have made a pretty good life for myself.
I think he's 62 now and probably seeing the errors of his ways and wants to make amends with me but like I said I don't necessarily care for him anymore, maybe that's my trauma talking but I do want to give him closure. I want to give him that feeling that he was at least a tiny bit there for me. I feel bad for him and I don't want him to die knowing he was a terrible father, even though he was lol.
Last we messaged each other, I proposed a little game for us to build up a semblance of a relationship. I said that we should watch a movie and talk about it afterwards but it's been a month now and honestly can't be bothered to message him back.
What should I do?