This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Maybe it’s time to give up on this?
Just talked to a good (platonic) female friend from med school about stuff, and dating came up. She mentioned that she has dated well over 500 men from Hinge alone, and had all of 2 relationships.
I’m better than the next guy. Maybe I’m better than the next 10 guys. But there’s no way I can beat 500 other men who cleared the “dateable” threshold (and I hear most men on Hinge don’t even make it there?).
I’m a quirky nerd, not an “alpha male,” and I guess I don’t have what it takes to win this game.
I sent a direct but understanding text to a slow fader and got my answer. After three great dates and her saying after the latest she felt it was ‘special’ and she had the feeling of wanting more, a week later she’s telling me we had different vibes and didn’t feel the connection she was hoping for. I’m really proud of myself for getting this closure rather than letting it play out and I don’t resent her, but I’m so confused and exhausted by dating. I feel like every time this happens it puts more pressure on the next connection and that leads to over investment on my part which then puts that connection at risk and so on.
She asked me how I felt about it and I said we moved too quickly in messaging, at a pace faster than the actual connection, but I was enjoying how it was developing. So ultimately I’m not too bummed out about this in the long run, but I’m still gutted that someone I thought really liked me had these hidden doubts. How will I ever feel comfortable dating when I know this is always a possibility?
So… I’m texting with this guy I was friends in high school with. He had a long time girlfriend who he broke up almost 2 years ago (they dated for like 13 years, so A LOT) and I also broke up with my ex around one year and a half ago.
We always had some sort of sexual tension but then he got a girlfriend so obviously that died. I reconnected with him in a friendly manner but things have started to spice up – and we ended up sexting pretty intensely last night.
But we’ve never met in person since we reconnected. And every time a plane comes up is like “someday we should do x thing” but it never becomes real. I feel he might not be ready for another relationship, and honestly I’m the same, I feel we would be good friends with benefits… but I’m extremely shy to bring it up. He seems to have low self esteem so I feel he’s afraid of getting rejected.
What should I do about this? How can I be “hey I want to have a good time with you but without strings attached”? I know the most logic answer is to just say it, but I’ve never had a fwb kind of situation and neither has he.
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Been spending a lot of time reflecting after my last foray into dating didn’t quite pan out. Things ended amicably and we’ve got a great friendship, which is really what I need right now. I’ve opted to just do me for the foreseeable future. It’s been a brutal year and even though things are on an upswing I just can’t see myself dating any time soon. Kinda sucks since I want a partner and family but you can’t really rush these things.
Started a new job a few weeks ago that’s very technical and physically demanding, been loving the challenge but I’m exhausted. Really hoping I can start chipping away at school soon, I have some pretty lofty goals and I’m not getting any younger. If I make it in the career path I’m gunning for it likely means I’m going to have forego my family dreams. Not impossible to make it happen but it’s very unlikely I’ll have time for both, but only time will tell.
Ironically I’m not hurting for options. As soon as my social group found out I was single something like 4-5 really solid people expressed interest but I lack the bandwidth to deal with that, these people are all absolute catches and they deserve someone whose heart and head are actually in the game.
So this may sound juvenile, but what’s the appropriate amount of eye contact and smiling to give to a man out in public without being creepy?
My whole life I’ve had issues with self esteem and have avoided eye contact with men because I deemed myself too unattractive and didn’t want to creep them out by possibly expressing interest with eye contact or smiling. I’ve been working through this in therapy, and my therapist would like for me to start making eye contact and smiling at men in public. Kind of like exposure therapy.
It’s amazing how if you just live your life with work, hobbies, and errands you never even think about dating. It’s so far on the backburner but if you don’t think about it 24/7 you’ll never find dates when you want them.
So ive been dating now a couple months now, strictly staying off OLD. I told this to some old friends at a small gathering recently and ive been told im delusional. Reading the stories of how soul crushing OLD is, is why im staying away and dating slowly at in-person socials. I dont use IG or FB so I know I appear like a ghost to online people. Also I havent dated for +10 years. Maybe thats a good thing.
Am I delusional? I get approached by women in person, but they never pan out. I somehow attract poly and couples. Im just looking for a wife. Is this just a me problem?
Met a guy through a mutual friend 2 weeks ago. Started texting, told him I was looking for a relationship, he said he wasn’t necessarily looking for one but would be open to it and I said okay we can just be friends. Text every day, all day. Played video games together a couple of times. Went for lunch a few days after meeting, told each other we were enjoying the company. He came over the other day and we played board games and ended up sleeping with each other.
Next day he was acting off and I called him out on it and he said he was in a funk but not my fault and I said ok I’m here if you wanna talk. One thing led to another and he said he realized he isn’t ready for anything, he thought he was. His ex fucked him up… blah blah blah.
Learned my lesson. lol.
Got rejected twice this week. First was a singles mixer. Totally not my vibe but I tried. Had a good combo with a girl, she asked for my Insta and later played the friends card. Matched & had a great convo with a girl on Bumble, but she (very sweetly) said she was going to pursue another match. Paid for Tinder and just getting bot likes. I hate this.
Had a match last week where we exchanged a bunch of messages, I asked her out, she said yes but she was a PITA to schedule and then said she’s too busy right now but wants to sync up in October. I get it, people get overwhelmed, want breaks, etc.
But I see today, she’s updated her profile with new pictures and prompts and it’s like why? You’re not in the space to date, but still using a dating app? Cmon man, it’s kind of a slap in the face
I (M32) broke up with my ex (F38) back in February, in good terms.
During the relationship many things turned me off, such as the bad communication and the constant drama and anxiety inducing discussions. Sometimes she would also behave in childish ways, and one time she even emotionally cheated on me because she can’t help but indulge into her short term gratification. Keep in mind that this person went to therapy for years and sometimes she still goes.
This relationship taught me a lot on what to avoid to live a happy life, however I can’t help but feel discouraged about finding the right person. I haven’t yet gotten back into dating for this reason and some other logistical reasons that I won’t get into.
Even at work in a highly intelligent domain, more than a few colleagues have very bad and toxic communication. So I’m discouraged about actually finding someone to spend my life with.
I’m content with myself and feel emotionally stable with good communication and good boundaries, so I don’t want to waste this positive energy on people that cannot match it. Life is too short to waste it on drama. However, while I have some good friends that bring positive and healthy friendships, I don’t see myself as living my life alone forever.
Can anybody share some positive stories regarding meeting/dating people that overall are in a good healthy place? I really need a shift in perspective.
Mini rant. Went on a first date with a woman the other day after talking on apps for a decently long time. Date went really well, to the point where she asked me out for a second date. Next day we’re discussing what we’re going to do together on the weekend then, bam, crickets. Why are people like this.
Can’t seem to get anywhere in years. tried online dating and actively looking for singles meetups in my area. got stood up last week and just had first match in weeks randomly unmatch when i asked her out after a good convo about likes and hobbies. why is this shit so hard and demoralizing?!?
I wish I could apologize to all the matches I have ghosted and then eventually unmatched (or who understandably unmatched me). I got so burnt out from extending so much benefit of the doubt to people who didn’t end up interesting me at all (or who were straight-up rude or condescending), and now it seems like every new match I make pays the price when I start ghosting out of cynicism or depression.
Yeah, yeah, “Maybe you shouldn’t be dating right now,” but come on, OLD is a cringefest shitshow that makes most of us feel like the most pathetic, desperate version of ourselves. Let he who casts the first stone, etc.
Wow, ok. Since my last post on here I’ve gone on three more dates with the guy I started seeing last week. They’ve all been really fun. We make each other laugh, we match each other’s energy and the kisses are fantastic. Yesterday we hung out with our mutual friends (that semi-introduced us) and that felt natural and easy as well. I’m starting to really fall for this guy. It makes me happy, but at the same time I feel more naked and vulnerable than I have in years. This morning I woke up feeling so much I wanted to burst into tears (I didn’t, though). On the one hand I’m thrilled by all these new feelings, but on the other I really hope I can find a sense of calm in the midst of all this because the vulnerability of falling in love is starting to mess with me.
Ok second post today (deleted the first one) but I got a text last night from someone I haven’t heard from in 8 months. It was stupid and a bad opener and I hated him for it so I texted back “who’s this?” this morning. Now I feel like I should text “I guess this may be ____?” but I know that’s the lizard ass brain part of me trying to coax him to talk to me and lay it all out.
I was on my high horse this morning all wired up and mad, and now that he hasn’t responded yet, I want to get my on my child rocking horse and drive nowhere with this stupid thing. I need someone to tell me to not do that. I need him to explain himself but I know I can’t force someone telepathically to give me what I want. Maybe he thought the “who is this?” was a fuck you-and it kind of was, but I deserve an explanation.
1. Tell me not to do it
2. If someone you reached out to after a long time said “who is this?” would you see that as them telling you to back off or would you want to continue?
*3. I may just do it. Nothing is going to come from it so I may just burn this motha down for fun? Does anyone want an update? 😆
*update: I did it. He admitted to drunk texting me for a booty call and I went off on him and I did a beautiful call-out that should have had an actual mic-drop and he’s apologizing profusely. Just apologies.
I spent some time with my late grandpa’s twin sister. She’ll be 100 in December.
She was married for 45 years before her husband passed in the late 90s. I asked her if she had any good marriage / relationship advice… she unexpectedly said, “don’t expect much from men.”
I was cackling in Sometimes Bitter Single Woman.
I check a lot of boxes on the asexual spectrum, but I don’t think I’m 100% asexual. I always had a low libido and now I’m on medication for severe endometriosis that made it even lower. I would want to have sex maybe once every 1-2 months maybe. I don’t want to ever get pregnant. I am worried I will not meet a man who would be interested in me. I am pretty, smart, funny, etc but always single. I always feel pressured to have sex or the person will leave me. My dream would be to be with someone who accepts me and doesn’t have many expectations around sex.
Going on a first date tonight! We’ve been texting for a few weeks and had one phone call the other night. Kinda hoping we hit it off, because on paper it seems like we should!
For anyone here who does not regularly exercise – do you pass on serious athletic profiles? I’d think athletic people would not like to have anything to do with us.
I bought a new car today, a little out of necessity. The extra money is stressing me out and I wish I was in a sharing expenses space but am putting on my brave girl face as I reexamine my finances.
It’s funny how often people don’t show important sides of themselves on dating app profiles. I was reminded of this today.
I have a guy friend who is artsy and social and his profile shows that side but not his athletic side. In fact he almost appears unathletic based on his photo choices. Today I shot some photos for him to update his profile. He had shared it with me recently and he was really underselling himself.
It made me reflect on my swiping where I’m assuming guys are showing their full and best selves but that’s really just not always the case.
LOL… had a nice guy ask me on a date, but I wasn’t totally sold. Regretted saying yes almost immediately, but decided to try and give it a chance. Just saw they unmatched me…. PHEW. problem solved lol
After many instances of getting home and cuddling up in a blanket on the couch after rejections and bad dates, or anxious-does-he-like-me-too type dates, it’s sooo nice to cuddle up on the couch to calm the positive emotions after a good date. The duality of life
Dude said something about night fishing.
I’ve been playing Silksong all day and when I did take a break I read volume 13 of this light novel series I’ve been reading.
It’s not that I can’t imagine myself with someone who isn’t a nerd, but it’s also like am I expected to go on these little outdoorsy side quests?
I don’t even think there’s achievements for them.
Does anyone else feel pressured to compromise to a degree that doesn’t feel right? I’ve been deconstructing this mentality lately because I realized I feel so pressured in my late 30s to accept pretty subpar behavior because the dating pool is low.
Thankful I ended a date early today despite this. It was the third date and I realized I wasn’t excited about seeing him. I was doing more mental gymnastics “well he’s cute and talented but we don’t have any banter…etc”. While I know chemistry can be a misleading thing, I at least need something to go off of. He was very kind but I felt no spark after 3 dates, which is usually when I see someone come out of their shell of nervous at the beginning. I hate how much society pressures relationships that it’s hard to take a moment and reflect on what I actually want. Ugh. Taking a break to get my head right.
Vent post: I broke up with a woman yesterday that I had a short fling with over the last couple weeks. We both went into it looking for a short term thing but I’m still feeling kind of down and lonely today. I’ve been feeling burned out over dating and wanted a distraction. It was unfulfilling though tbh
I broke it off because Ive had addiction issues in the past and we were drinking a lot and smoking cigs when we went out and I just really don’t want to go down that path again. I’ve spent a lot of time in therapy this year working on myself and it’s not worth throwing that all away
It’s rare to actually have a nice connection with somebody though so it sucks. I hate the feeling that it may be months before I meet somebody again that I connect with. I know I’ll feel better in a couple days. Gotta stay distracted until then
I’ve started wondering if maybe some of my insecurities about my current relationship with my girlfriend are based on stereotypes of how girls “should” act.
A few habits in particular:
-she’s not much of a texter. We don’t text that often during the week, in fact it’s not unusual to go multiple days with no contact.
-she doesn’t really ask for pictures of us. She won’t take pictures of herself or ask me to take pictures of her either. In 5 months of dating we only have one picture together. We’re friends on Facebook and she doesn’t post pictures of herself so this seems to be a consistent behavior.
-she usually doesn’t initiate physical contact
I guess this is okay? There are other positive signs of affection I sense from her.
Recently matched with this guy, it takes him typically two to three days to respond and he always comes up with some lame excuses, he is a friend of a friend on social media, so I sorta have this positive bias towards him because he is in my social circle, however the few messages we had were very short and superficial, don’t even think we had a proper conversation, I don’t know if I should still give it a shot or not.
My very recent ex (we broke up on Thursday) reached out to ask me for tickets to a football game that I’d bought us, and then told me that he’s already slept with the girl he told me not to worry about. Hope everyone’s night is going better than mine!!!
Guy I am liking the most on OLD wants to meet finally! he was out of town, but is back now 🙂 trying not to get my hopes up until we finally see each other in real life. I fear my last message was dry in response to him asking when is good for me… but I was so busy that day and mentioned that in the same bunch of messages so hopefully it’s not misinterpreted!
Went on multiple dates with 3 different people and none of them really clicked. I’m trying to stay positive that I will find that person but it’s starting to get difficult… please if you are out there I hope I find you soon 🙏🏼
I love my friends so much. Literally every time we hang out I am reminded I have never been loved by a romantic partner the way they love me. It’s so much easier to opt out of dating when in such a supportive group.
I got stood up today. Went on date 1 last weekend, was the best date I’ve been on in literally years. We texted all week and he asked for a 2nd. We arranged and confirmed brunch last night. No show today. I text to ask “you ok?” And he left me on read. Such a fucking blow, it’s the hope that kills you.
Was speaking to a woman for 4 months, only met once as she kept coming up with reasons as to why she wasn’t available . She then finally said she wants to work on her health and lose weight so she doesn’t have time to date anymore plus she feels as if she gave the relationship enough time but isn’t feeling it. I’m guessing she felt as if she could do better than me. Shame really as she strung me along that long but I hate myself for keeping my hopes up and falling for her excuses
That moment in Love Is Blind UK when a certain red-head looks her betrothed steadily in the eye and and declares her love for him without missing a beat…damn, I wish I could meet someone who inspires that confidence in me.
I just don’t understand who brings someone flowers then a day later decides to cancel everything and take some time off. I’m hoping that she’s being honest and in a week we can start hanging out again, but my gut says it’s over and my gut is almost always right.
Think I’m going to get some new profile pictures this week, just in case.