I’m almost 27 and was recently diagnosed with NVLD (non-verbal learning disorder), which helped me understand why social situations have always been harder for me. Growing up I struggled with bullying and feeling excluded, and in college things didn’t improve. I never quite found my place and often felt like an outsider.
Looking back, I realize I made some mistakes in how I handled it. I became avoidant and would often go home on weekends — at first because of a terrible random roommate situation my first year (I was getting like 4 hours of sleep), and later because I was too bored and lonely with no one to hang out with. Over time, I resigned myself to just being on my own. I did learn to enjoy solo activities like going to the movies, museums, and traveling, but deep down I always wished I had found like-minded people who celebrated me rather than shunned me.
Now that I’ve finished my Master’s and moved back home, I want to do things differently. I don’t want to fall into the same avoidant patterns I had in college. I’ve been attending random events, joined a book club, and I’m going to a graduate school alumni mixer soon. Since my graduate school has a much larger alumni network than my undergrad, I want to make the most of it.
My question is: how can I successfully try to make friends and hit it off with people moving forward, given my history of social struggles? How do I balance being proactive without feeling needy, and avoid repeating the same isolating patterns from college?
Any advice or personal experiences would mean a lot.