Hey guys, I (20m) have a dilemma in my social life that I don’t understand.
For my whole life I haven’t had trouble getting along with people. I am fairly confident, funny, and down to do fun things. Interactions always go well and people generally like me. In high school, I actually had a great friend circle of nice and fun friends.
However, since college started, I feel like I have had a lot more trouble managing my social life which has given me tons of anxiety. I have never really been in a big group of friends with a big active group chat and weekly plans. Throughout my time at school my “group” was just two of my close friends, one of whom isn’t social and the other is social, but is on the rowing team so is often away. When we socialize in groups, it’s often the rare extracurricular event, or when myself or the other social friend has a peripheral friend who’s hosting something.
I still get a fair amount of socialization in, and I have plenty of close friends scattered around my life, but I feel like it’s extremely important to have that big core group and it has made me anxious for so many reasons:
- I won’t be able hold on to as many friends as I get older and this problem will continue to effect me after graduation
- it feels harder to meet and date girls/ find a damn wife
- I’m missing out on super fun activities that require a core group
- People judge me
- It’s more difficult to make new friends and have social leverage (not much to offer socially)
- the discomfort and extra effort of having to work hard to have an active social life takes away from me being able to work on myself and my hobbies and career/education
I have really tried to solve this problem by working to join a core group, but it seems nearly impossible this late into college now that everyone is comfortable in their social situations.
I hope this made sense and I really appreciate any thoughts or advice!!!!