Heloou
I am from Eastern/ Souther Europe. And here its very common to be touchy with people you know even with strangers or co- workers. I ask here this because a guy from USA ( Tennessee) visited us .
He found it weird how we are all touchy at job ( men, women not in sexual way).
Its normal to kiss on cheek, hug, be touchy if someone is funny, alot of men tap on shoulder other men or hug them .
Also its normal in store or anywhere to touch person like to move them if you wanna pass or grab something if they are on your way
So i am asking this here is this not common i USA, or is this guy just one example.
45 comments
It is very much not common in the United States and I advise against it to avoid uncomfortable situations and possible confrontations. In America, we’re taught to keep our hands to ourselves.
Yes you will be fired
Incredibly inappropriate, some of your examples would start a fight
Ya, i mean you’re talking about a nation that teaches kids in kindergarten/ pre school about a personal bubble that is as big as their wingspan. But with your everyday coworkers a hug is cool.
Yes, it is inappropriate/unprofessional to do those things in a US workplace.
Depends.
It’s less common; the default is no touch. I’ve been in some settings (professional and otherwise, in the US) where the type of touch you discuss is okay, but I wouldn’t go into such a setting in the US and expect that level of touch.
As a woman, please don’t touch me. Even more so if you are my co-worker
It’s going to get really uncomfortable for you, me, and HR
In the store, just say “excuse me!”. No touching
No, being touchy is not common in the US. One guy at work keeps touching people on the arm/shoulder, and people were commenting the other day on how odd and offputting it was. Generally people in the US have a larger bubble of personal space that others shouldn’t enter, compared to many other countries.
Some family members might hug or kiss, and *maybe* some friends might hug… but it’s generally not the norm. Especially in the workplace. When introduced to someone new you generally shake hands.
It’s not only not common, but it would be considered harassment and get you fired.
At work or in professional settings it would be very inappropriate.
Hugs, maybe. Depends on the environment, and almost never between men.
Cheek kisses are between family.
If you push past a stranger like that, if it’s man-on-man there are very non-zero odds of a fight.
Beyond maybe a handshake or fist bump you don’t touch other people. Especially people you don’t know in public.
In general, physical touch is massively discouraged in the workplace. Many employers have robust sexual harassment training that defines what is and is not appropriate.
Physical touch here is very, *very* different than where you’re from.
For Americans pretend everyone has a bubble around them and to respect that bubble. There are times where that space may be sacrificed such as the Costco checkout line on Saturday afternoon, but at work that space should be respected.
And maybe this is the Midwesterner in me but if someone is in my way at the grocery, I just wait.
The first time you meet someone it is customary to shake hands in greeting. When you leave this first meeting you can also shake hands. Other than that, no touching!
It’s not a part of US culture. In the US generally the only people we hug or kiss are family or romantic partners. And other than things like handshakes it’s considered very rude to touch someone you don’t know, so you definitely wouldn’t touch someone at the store to get them to move.
I’ve head it said that many cultures keep a membrane of personal space, Americans keep a bubble.
yes. do not touch people.
Don’t touch your coworkers in the US. A handshake or mutual high five or single-finger tap on the shoulder may be appropriate in certain circumstances, but generally just keep your hands to yourself.
We have very strict sexual harassment laws. Touching people is considered sexual harassment even if that’s not your intention.
This varies a lot depending on the particular thing you’re talking about as well as age, regional and socioeconomic factors.
Cheek-kissing is essentially unheard of outside of some extremely bourgeois circles.
Touching people you don’t know is pretty much always a no-no. This is orders of magnitude more true when touching women. Do not touch a woman unless you know that she’s ok with it, even if you know her well.
If it’s people you do know that again depends largely on the exact cultural context. In some subcultures men hugging each other is very common. Before I retired from the military dudes hugged each other all the time. I think this is more common in combat arms than non-combat jobs. I always tried to stay away from the latter, they’re weirdos. Some civilian friend groups have been similar, others the exact opposite.
Not in public at all with a stranger. You could get up punched or arrested.
If you know someone well in a professional setting, it is acceptable to do a quick tap on their upper back between the bra strap and the shoulders or upper arm (for men and women) if you’re trying to get something or let them know you’re squishing behind them. But, very quick, and only if you know them well
No touchy, no kissy, no huggy in the work place. An occasional pat on the shoulder for a good job or smart idea may happen in some workplaces but it’s not the norm. Americans have large personal bubbles so distance is the norm.
The only reason I’d accept a strangers touch is if a piano was about to fall on my head.
I guess an acme anvil would also be an acceptable occurrence.
I’m a dude. Don’t fucking touch me. I’m sure that goes double for the fairer sex.
Yeah.. don’t be touching strangers in the US… might start a fight depending on who you touch
With co-workers it depends, are you friends? Is it just a handshake? Pat on the arm?
“Dont hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself” 🎶🎵🎶
Americans will talk to and smile at random people we barely know (at least in comparison to a lot of other countries), but physical contact beyond shaking hands is seen as extremely unprofessional.
In the workplace the only appropriate touching is a handshake. (With obvious exceptions for rendering first aid or other emergencies.)
Physical touch is not something we do much here, unless we care close with the people. It can be seen as very creepy to physically touch someone you don’t know well.
Obviously, there are exceptions. If a stranger is falling for example, no one will think its weird for you to catch them, even though that requires touch. Same with if someone is like, choking, or needs to be pushed out of the way of danger.
Keeping your hands to yourself is what we were taught and what we teach our kids. Not everyone likes to be touched (I have two kids with autism that hate to be touched), so here it’s best to not touch random strangers or at least ask if it’s okay. I’m a hugger when I meet people, but I always ask if it’s okay, if not, then handshake or fist bump it is!
With coworkers the most I do is a light touch on the shoulder to get their attention or if we are laughing at a joke. I have a few people I butt-out hug lightly (women’s hug technique) and that’s it. No cheek kisses, touches, hugs, etc on a normal day. It would be uncomfortable.
As an American who briefly had an opportunity to work in France, I never got used to bissous (those little cheek kisses that even acquaintances do in greeting). It always made me feel like people were in my bubble.
I would say that if you have known one another for a long time and are friends, you might hug a colleague. Like right now I’m a newer person on a (US-based) team where some people have known one another for 15 or 20 years both in and outside of work contexts (like they went to school together before beginning their professional careers). Those people hug one another and I shake hands with them when we all greet one another. I would not want them to hug me yet. Maybe in a few years.
If I am in a store, do not touch me, under any circumstances, unless I have experienced cardiac arrest and you need to perform chest compressions until medical professionals arrive.
**Don’t touch Americans** lol. Some of us don’t even like to be looked at. There’s some spicy ones out there. “tf you lookin at”.
I have some friends from Germany. Germans like to stare for some fucking reason. I had to advise them to not do the German stare when they came to visit me in FL. One of them still got yelled at.
If someone’s in your way, just politely say excuse me. You can even do a midwestern “ohp, just need to scooch by ya real quick”.
There’s times where we hug, or shake hands, or pat each other while having a good laugh. Depends on how close you are though, but not really appropriate for the workplace. It can be common for southern aunties/ grandmas to give you a hug when you’re having a rough day, but you probably know them somehow.
Please, don’t touch me at work or anywhere else. If someone at work tried to hug, touch, or kiss me I’d go straight to my supervisor or HR. In a store I just wait until someone is finished getting a product, it’s the courteous thing to do.
Not common at all
Other than handshake when I met them. I’ve never touched my coworkers
We have different physical space/interaction rules.
I was stationed in Sicily and Spain – it is a bit of a culture adjustment for Americans (especially men, Sicily moreso than Spain was). We just aren’t that way. Adult men walking arm in arm just isn’t done outside of familial relationships and even then not that common. Kissing everyone hello just isn’t done.
In a professional environment, you might quick bro hug coworkers you are close with, but as a general greeting it doesn’t happen. Besos between women and a man and woman only if you are personally familiar with each other (like outside of work) – between men just doesn’t happen, business or otherwise. (Yes, there are sub cultures that do, but as a general rule we don’t).
To really help put it in perspective – with most of my Sicilian friends, male or female, we kissed when introduced. I’ve known my best friends here in the states since high school (35+ years) and have never kissed a single one on the cheek – these are guys that if I called and said I need help they would make that drive halfway across the country and be here the next day.
Lol, not only don’t touch me, don’t stand too close but also, don’t touch my stuff. Americans are funny like this, but I tend to agree. Keep your booger hooks to yourself.
Especially since COVID…It’s not uncommon for a germaphobic responses. If someone shakes ny hand my next stop is the sink or the sanitizer. I’ve had COVID 3 times.
Not only is touching like that uncommon, it’s generally preferred to stay out of touching distance altogether when possible.
As an American male, who visited Brazil on business years ago… I brought this up while working there. We had a great chat about this. They think we are so weird and closed off.
Most employees greeted with a hug or kiss. A woman i was working with had her hand on my forearm while we went over some documents.
I am embarrassed to say… it did feel weird to me. I could see the majority of US men thinking they were gonna get laid by that arm touch. I read about the culture before traveling, so I expected the behavior and did not read into it.
I would actually hit you.
We do not like being touched, and please maintain your personal bubble, don’t stand too close. We will give you the shirt off our back and run into a burning building to save your pets and we are friendly. But no touch please
Canadian here that’s 30 minutes from a U.S border with alot of the same manners as my American friends.
I think a lot of this varies depending on region and also just how we were raised. I was fortunate to have been raised by a man from the ‘Silent’ generation (1934) who had exemplary manners and treated everyone with kindness.
When I’m shopping and I need something and someone is standing in front of it, usually I wait a few seconds but if it doesn’t appear they are going to be moving then I will say something like “Hi. I’m just going to grab that item there.” in a pleasant, soft tone. They always move, then I smile and say thanks.
As for touching in the workplace, it was a lot more lenient in the ’80s and ’90s than it is now. Now there’s pretty strict policies regarding touching which I’m thankful for because I’m a proponent of us all having the safety of our own personal space. I’m only comfortable with touch when I verbally consent to it.
Thanks for starting this thread. It’s been really insightful. 🙂
I’m an American that has live in London, Geneva, Singapore and Tokyo. My career took me all over the world. In the US, most people will greet another with at most a handshake. Some countries are a single kiss on the cheek some a kiss on each cheek, and some it’s 3 kisses.
Americans often have a wider sense of personal space than most countries. In professional settings, even in other countries – I greeted others with a handshake.
I’ve had to explain American’s space bubbler to employees in many countries. First – in the workplace, we typically don’t touch another person other than a handshake. We don’t ever want to be accused of sexual harassment. We don’t touch another person’s child unless a real emergency (like keeping the kid from running in front of a moving car.) When I lived in Tokyo, my wife and daughter who both have blond hair, and my son had a short buzz cut. They hated the subways, as complete strangers would touch their hair. Doing that in America could get you punched or worse.
That said – I can say that one of the best (and worse) day of my career was my last day working. I had been diagnosed with a metastatic cancer, and was not expected to survive. I effectively was place on long term disability, and retired. I loved my job, and saw many of my coworkers as friends – but I’d never touched any of them other than a handshake. As I closed the door to my office for the last time, I was hugged goodbye by so many people that I’d worked with for years. My wife was with me and so many helped carry my personal stuff to our car. But I’ll never forget the tears that were shed for me and by me, and the goodbye hugs from one after another coworker.
Well – I am in complete remission now, and in hindsight, I realized I hate the space bubble I had around me.