23F for context!
This concept is a bit complicated for me, I think I’m what’s considered the “popular loner” – I’ve always been a bit of a social outcast with a cool air- that I’m aware of, but even when I’m open and sociable, welcoming people in I always find myself being the person with the most ‘power’ in the social dynamic- I WANT to socialize with people and I want people to “come as they are”, but I feel like because I am conventionally attractive and “eloquent” in speech (as has been described to me) I come off way more intimidating than I am.
Often times narratives are built around my character that I become aware of only after persistently going after a certain social interaction/ person…usually they’re along the lines of “scary, but smart” or “mean” even if I never speak/ have spoken to a person or had the opportunity to… I don’t come from an affluent background and even when I was incredibly poor, like homeless- living in a rich richy town I still had this affect over my classmates/peers…
I am a “confrontational” sort of person- like, rip the bandaid off- but I never go about it without gentleness, kindness and opportunity for redemption. I do have a strong/authortative voice and I try to soften it but idk, nothing gives.
I genuinely try to be so open and accepting and listen/ but often times it ends up being weird competition or intimidation from my own presence that I have no idea of how to control….
All my observations here are from others mouths, I really don’t perceive myself as a person and more as a floating head (like Skyrim POV but it’s real life) and therefore have been described as Aloof, I’ve tried to become more grounded as a person but I still am not getting the intended results as I change how I approach the world/ social situations. Some insight please!