I never made any friends in college despite trying my hardest. My first-year roommate situation was extremely difficult—I was getting around 4 hours of sleep most nights and often had to go home on weekends just to recover. I didn’t click with my dorm neighbors or classmates, and my extroverted, well-meaning mom often tried to push “good-on-paper” friendships on me that backfired.
Looking back, I had more positive social experiences in high school at my international school, where I was able to find peers I genuinely connected with, but college felt more like junior high on steroids. I was recently diagnosed with NVLD, which has helped me understand why social situations have always been challenging for me.
Now that I’ve moved back to NYC after earning my Master’s, I’m actively putting myself out there—attending events and trying to meet people my age—but I worry that my past experiences and lingering resentments might affect the friendships I form. I have a few real friends from childhood, middle school, international school, and time abroad after college, but I still feel isolated.
How can I heal from the past and avoid letting those old disappointments influence new connections while building genuine, supportive friendships as an adult?