I’m 29 and dating a woman I really like, but this issue keeps coming up and it’s not the first time in a relationship. She says I act more like a friend than a boyfriend in person. I’m nervous, avoid eye contact, only give her quick kisses, and rarely initiate touch or intimacy. She’s used to men being affectionate and confident (she’s Colombian), and I want to be that for her… but something holds me back.
I’ve always been like this. Even in my last serious relationship, I struggled with physical touch and being emotionally present. I’m on 25–50mg of sertraline for anxiety, and I’m trying to cut back on porn to reconnect emotionally, but I still feel distant. The weird part is that physical touch is my love language. I just freeze up in person.
She says we can just be friends if this doesn’t work, but I don’t want to lose her. I want to change, lead, and be the kind of man she desires but I don’t know how to stop overthinking and just act.
Any guys here been through this and found a way out?