i'll be in fourth year soon and i've always had problems speaking to other people that weren't in my class and even in my class if it isn't a close friend i can' talk to nobody. i would like to feel safe going out when is break time without feeling out of place. it's really difficult, i remember going to a friends birthday where were people i never knew. idk what happened that day, i just really couldn't find the worlds to speak, worst of all other times. in a moment someone did some question about me (since it was obvious that i seemed stupid) the room became silence. all eyes on me. all the attention on what i say like it would be biggest choice of my life. i stopped breathing for 5 seconds hoping that that moment will end soon. suddenly a guy complimented me for my hair but in that moment i didn't even had the ability to say "thank you", i couldn't really move. i still feel a shit because i might have seen rude.
i hope this was just a thing that happened only THAT day. i'm not the one with zero friends, never laughes or things like that, actually is the opposite, i have my few close friends and i laugh a lot, but socially omg i'm a mess. i would just love to talk to other people the minimum to do a little convo with everyone without feeling weird. My friends says that is obvious when i don't like a person because is like written in my face, and this is not helping. i really tried to work on this. I'm really bipolar. on one side i think is right like this and i don't have to talk to everybody or seem a good person to everyone, on the other side it isn't normal that i'm literally scared when it comes to simply talk with new people.
i hope a managed to make myself understood