I have no idea if this is a common issue or not – I tried looking online for help but I can only see advice on how to deal with your OWN parents. Except my problem doesn’t lie with my own parents per se, but parents of friends and acquaintances. I feel like no matter what I do, or how I act, I always end up being despised by them. It’s been a large point of insecurity of mine for the longest time but I really don’t know how to fix this.
For context, I’m a decently sociable person in day to day life, no other interpersonal issues at all really, and I get along with people my own age just fine. But I’ve genuinely lost count over the past couples of years of how many times my friends have had to tell me that their parents REALLY don’t like me and it’s been just awful for my self esteem. It’s not just parents either. I just seem to piss off every adult I meet. And I mean, I have a few theories as to why this is, but I feel that just theorizing won’t help me to solve the issue either (if I had an idea of how to fix it I probably would have already).
What kind of teenager/young adult do parents & older adults really love, and what kind of traits do they have? It seems like just simply being respectful/polite isn’t enough because I am neither disruptive nor rude. I do believe there has to be some level of confidence you need to have that I really can’t muster because I’m so afraid of getting on their bad side.
If anyone has any personal experience with people who seem to be loved by adults please share them. This is quite literally driving me insane and I want to change, and it would be nice to have a sense of where to start. Thanks in advance!!
Edit: I’d like to clarify that I don’t know exactly why this happens to me, and I lack the usual habits of someone who typically falls under the umbrella of “a person to disapprove of.” I’m not callous, insensitive, loud, unrefined, etc. and it’ll be hard for anyone to judge my character properly based off a Reddit post and make an assessment. I have just unfortunately been involved in too many bad situations and I want to know if there is anything positive I can work towards.
6 comments
Are you by any chance very loud?
Do U say please an thank you? Or wait for others to say their piece? It used to bother my teacher growing up BC I didn’t wait after speaking to let others talk just from excitement, which was interpreted as being impolite and inconsiderat
What do your own parents say when you ask them about this?
Some adults are just terrible, I’m sorry this has you feeling this way.
Have you considered your appearance and mannerisms? I worked in high schools for 15 years and I noticed that students often unintentionally gave a negative impression because of the way they presented themselves.
Appearance- Adults are super sensitive to unusual hairstyles, problematic personal hygiene, clothing that is too loose/too revealing/too different. Some adults have an issue with facial piercings or visible tats, or ripped jeans or clothing that doesn’t fit (by adult standards). Is your hair and beard trimmed well (a word or warning- letting your mom cut your hair usually results in a haircut that looks like… your mom cut your hair. Pay a professional to do it.)? Scraggly beards, a face covered in stubble- big red flags for parents. Remember that adults don’t always know what’s a current look, so something that you might consider perfectly fine may not be perceived the same way by parents.
Presentation- When you meet adults, be clean, dress appropriately and think about how you present yourself. Stand or sit up straight, look people in the face and speak clearly in a tone of voice that isn’t in any way sarcastic, hard or know-it-all. And DO. NOT. ARGUE. You’ll come off as a smart ass who thinks they know more than they actually do. Stay away from political discussions and subjects that are controversial in any way. Nobody likes opinionated, argumentative jerks. Don’t act like one. These aren’t your peers, they’re PARENTS who are trying to protect their kids from anyone they fear might lead their kids (whom they love and care for) into something harmful, stupid or dangerous. You really don’t want to be the guy adults think they have to protect their kids from.
When your friends tell you that their parents don’t like you, why didn’t you ask them why?
Do you get good grades? If I was a parent, I would be worried if my child’s friends weren’t good at school and their bad study habits were rubbing off on their child.
Parents seem to like my kids. They always say please and thank you. Yes, ma’am. No, ma’am. Yes, sir. No, sir. They volunteer to clear dishes from the table if invited for dinner. They hold doors for people.
They remember things about the parents. Are you still singing in choir? How was your trip to [fill in vacation]?
At football games, my kids make a point of saying hello to the parents they see in the stands. If they see them at the store, even without their kids, they say hello.