Ever since around 3 years ago i felt like i wasnt able to connect to anything or anyone new deeply and its like even when i make friends i just dont feel a bond i dont feel anything i dont feel any emotions and i cant even tell if the emotions i express are even genuine, like i literally dont know how i feel and thus i cant feel connected to anyone of them. Even now with my older friends i feel like im losing that feeling and bond for them and i feel really bad but i seriously cant help those thoughts it feels so wrong
I dont know if theres something wrong with me or that im just not with the right people
On top of making new friends
i dont wanna be that person but like genuinely ive just like grow annoyance towards any guy i meet if they are like very enthusiastic w me/ talk to me a lot at first (sometimes girls too) like it just makes me feel negative and disgusted (not that intense, but just like a strong negative feeling towards them)
it just makes me like not want to talk to or see them ever again for some reason like it literally makes no sense and it’s triggering me for no reason and its only really happening with guys even if they’re approaching me as a friend
The idea of a guy doing something that can be interpreted as slightly flirtatious just makes me want to gag and it’s so bad and i feel so bad because i know they’re just trying to make friends, but i seriously can’t get that feeling of disgust out of my head
This all sounds so toxic and it probably is but i dont know what to do. I do crave a deep connection with something, but i just feel like im completely incapable of developing that kind lf connection with anyone.