My gf (35) is so hard on herself. I (31M) don’t know how to best support her.
My girlfriend and I have known each other for about a year. We used to work together, separate parts of the building. Then hung out, spent last summer hanging out and getting to know each other. Didn’t talk from summer last year to January and rekindled in February.
She is the love of my life. I want to marry this woman. She is most definitely, the one; however, we still have a few goals before we officially tie the knot (even though we have already started calling each other husband and wife).
Although our emotional support for one another is so much better (I was having a hard time also). She does not like to talk about what’s bothering her. If it is something I did or relationship wise we talk about it, but personal goals and career she will keep to herself when it’s bothering her and shutdown. I never know how to best support her. I’ve asked her and she doesn’t know either (she’s not used to being with someone who wants to help them).
I don’t want to force her to talk, but nothing feels right. Giving her space and letting her talk when she wants, feels bad. When we do talk about it, she gets so in her head that it makes things worse because she doesn’t believe anything anyone says to her (she does this with family also). I’ve tried to do a little of both, space with check in and that doesn’t work either.
It literally hurts me to see her like that. We just came back from a trip to my hometown and when she left I was broke to tears. I just want to take all the pain from her. I wish I could just take whatever she feels and endure it for her.
I’ve tried affirmation, telling her how much I love her, reminding her of how smart she is… everything I could think of. We end up talking about it eventually within the next 48 hours, but I just don’t know if that’s okay. I know we have to do what’s best for us but I also want to support her the best I can.
Just here to check if maybe there’s anything else I can do. Thank you all in advance.