My partner and I have been together for over 2 years. I have epilepsy and can’t drive. We live on a rural farm 15 minutes from town, and the only Uber driver charges $80 per trip so that limits that option for me. I don’t have friends or family nearby, so I depend on my partner to go pretty much anywhere.
Most of our trips are to the grocery store or restaurants, and sometimes we go see her family. I’ve been able to go see my sister twice in the past year but, I’m still feeling really isolated and depressed.
The other day I made a comment about her leaving me home all day(not my best moment) while she visited her granddaughter in the hospital. She told me I’m selfish, that she is frustrated bc she can’t “fix” my depression and it’s affecting her happiness, and that I have mental issues. I’m perimenopausal, my seizures aren’t controlled, and when I have them they affect me until I recover(hours) but I don’t think it’s terrible mood changes like she says they are. I’ll be having brain surgery soon and that adds another complication to things. She says I don’t feel like her safe space and I don’t have her back if I don’t agree with whatever she says or does, but I feel like I give a lot to her. I always make sure the house is clean, take care of the yard, and her animals. I do what I can to help her. We tried to talk it out last night but we didn’t resolve anything, I just got the feeling from what all she said is that I’m selfish. I don’t think I ask too much of her but maybe my depression is affecting her more than I realize.
So, I feel guilty, and I keep wondering if it really is me and I’m being selfish and self-centered? I feel like I should be grateful she gives me rides, and she is okay with my dog riding with us a lot (even though she said she thinks it’s weird.) Plus we live here rent free bc she works on the farm (I did too until the work ran out.) I’m just really confused as to how I feel about this.
What can be done, or what can I do to fix this or should I just move on from this relationship?
Edit for clarification and to add:
I rarely ask to go anywhere except doctor’s appointments or the grocery store and I don’t want or expect her to take me everywhere she goes. She goes places or out of town often and I choose to stay home. I’ve always been really independent until this.
TL;DR- I have epilepsy, can’t drive and live on a rural farm. I have to depend on my girlfriend of 2 years to go to doctors appointments, the grocery store or sometimes I ride along when she goes somewhere so I can get out of the house. I’m depressed and she’s having a hard time coping with my depression. I feel selfish, like I should be more appreciative for what I have. Am I selfish and is there anything I can do to make things better between us?